Food Pointers Anonymous

Recent Obsessions

2010-06-26T10:33:00.005-05:00

For those that still make the trek to this website, despite my obvious negligence in posting, here are some things that have made me happy lately. I pass the knowledge on to you- go, be happy too.

MUSIC:

"The Greatest" - Cat Power

"L.E.S. Artistes" - Santigold

(Neither of these songs was released recently, but I watched 17 Again (of all things) yesterday on HBO (free for 4 days- thanks AT&T U-verse!) and heard these songs and immediately downloaded. And side note- 17 Again is a really good movie.)

"We Are Born" - NEW entire album by Sia. I just love this woman.

MOVIES:

The A Team - I know what you're going to say- "REALLY?". But if you like a good action flick and enjoy the sight of Bradley Cooper's abs, hit up the theater now.

Toy Story 3 - Seriously amazing. Pixar/Disney is genius. It ended perfectly and poignantly and I cried like a baby. It's so good, you forget it is an animated film. Just watch out for the creepy baby doll. You'll know what I mean.

BOOKS:

"Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen. It's about the circus and it was a great read. The last half is especially riveting.

TECHNOLOGICAL GADGETS:

iPhone 4- No, I haven't technically bought this yet (sorry, I don't camp out overnight or wait in a five hour long line for a phone I can buy a couple days later without a wait) but I already know it is going to change my life. That on top of all the rave reviews from people who already got one: color me SO EXCITED.

My Macbook- Yes, I am still counting the ways I love thee.

Band of Brothers

2010-06-02T21:55:00.002-05:00

I had already seen the mini-series Band of Brothers before and I loved it. But let me tell you, seeing it all again doesn't make it any less powerful, any less moving, or any less inspiring. Memorial Day brought an all day marathon of the series on Spike TV, and I was rendered helpless to avoid it. I am so obsessed with the spirit of the WWII days- the heroism, the selflessness, the extreme courage, the love for America, the idea that it is about more than just you. These days, we are much more hard pressed to find such a group of valiant men who are willing to give up life as they know it to protect their nation. Oh believe me, there are men and women like this serving right now for our country here and overseas. And they exemplify this brave and giving spirit. But I venture to say America as a whole does not have that same something- that work together and give of yourself quality- that made the WWII era in America so incredibly inspiring. The sacrifices made by so many veterans throughout all the years of America's existence- well it makes me a bit speechless.

If you have not yet seen this 2001 mini-series, I sincerely suggest you either add it to your netflix queue, run to your nearest Blockbuster (if it is still in business), or just go ahead and buy it. You won't be sorry. I know 10 hours of war drama sounds incredibly taxing, but believe me, it is completely worth the time investment. It follows the true stories of real men in some of the most well-known and deadly battles of WWII. And don't skip the special features- these interviews with surviving veterans that were featured in the mini-series is such a treat. Some of the most incredible men. If you don't come out of it crying, wanting to hug a veteran, or wishing you had asked your grandpas about their service in the war before they passed on, you may not be human. I know I have been gushing and over the top about this, but I really think all Americans should be required to see this in order to fully comprehend the sacrifices that were made to allow them the freedom and luxuries they enjoy today.

Wow. Really only meant for this blog post to be maybe two lines encouraging your viewership of said mini-series. But apparently I was pretty moved by this. Expect a similarly impassioned post, I am sure, after I finish watching the newest HBO WWII mini-series covering the battles in The Pacific.

Sign Me Up!

2010-05-01T19:23:00.002-05:00

Today I proved once again that I am unable to turn down any sort of deal or sales pitch if I allow myself to listen longer than 30 seconds to the spiel. In my defense, it is really not fair to be talked into signing a year long massage membership contract immediately after finishing up an awesome hour long massage. So you are looking at the newest member of Massage Envy. I could have been convinced to join something much worse, like say the circus, so I don't really have buyer's remorse. Now I get to look forward to a massage every month for the next year, which in my book sounds like a winning idea.

Also today I saw Julie & Julia. Very good movie- highly recommend. Although the ending left a strange taste in my mouth for certain reasons that probably would only ever be something that would bother silly old me, so I am looking past it. And while I am speaking of movies, here's one I never thought I would love: Hot Tub Time Machine. Assuming you have a high tolerance for the F word and tend to enjoy stupid irreverent humor, you will probably get a kick out of it as well.

April 2010 Post

2010-04-29T16:05:00.003-05:00

And you thought I would make it through April without posting once! Well, here is my obligatory April blog to prove you dead wrong.

I decided today to really get motivated in my day to day activities. As it may be clear through reading this blog, I like TV. A lot. Sometimes [most times] it distracts me from doing things my mind and body would most definitely benefit from more. I am going to buy some kind of organizational tool (filofax/calendar) to hold me accountable for things that need to and should be accomplished daily (I must thank my friend JBierman for this inspiration). I have always been a "lists" girl and live my life with sticky notes. EVERYWHERE (you should see my desk at work). Perhaps this will simplify things so I can be more efficient with my personal to do lists. Now I can structure my free time to include things such as reading books, cooking dinner, working out, etc. I know how I am, and if it is written down, so shall it be done. Motivation here I come! Expect more posting from now on too- I plan to structure that in weekly. OH THE POSSIBILITIES. I will report back on any success I have.

Wish me and my nerd self luck. Oh and list below any books you think are a must read. I am making a list of novels to conquer.

Return of the Missing Blogger!

2010-03-10T12:48:00.004-06:00

Kind of sort of got caught up with my busy busy life and coincidentally shirked my blogging responsibilities.

That is actually a lie, and not a very good one. My lack of blogging can be summed up in one word: lazy. Sure, I have a life and I do stuff and I get busy. But I also spend countless hours staring at the black box I call a TV, leaving plenty of time and muscle to type words on a screen. And yet I can't quite seem to muster the motivation it takes to flip open my beautiful macbook and put to print the running commentary in my brain. It is too much work apparently.

Well put your worries to rest, I'm back. At least for today. While I am at work. And we are slow. And I don't have the promise of something fun on my DVR to distract me. SO LAZY. (And I know you missed me so much, one person who accidentally ended up on this website while googling something about food. [Hey, I like food too!])

And now,

back by popular demand: LIST OF RANDOMNESS!

* Lindsay Lohan sues E-Trade for $100 million. Honestly, I hardly have words for how dumb this is. Wait... yes I do: Like I am supposed to believe that Lindsay Lohan is emotionally scarred and deserving of $100 million in damages for a stupid commercial that uses her FIRST name only in jest? "Lindsays" of the world unite: there is a class action lawsuit in here somewhere: if you look real real hard and, oh yeah, bastardize the American legal system. Another example of bratty celebrities with inflated egos and unrealistic senses of entitlement grasping at straws in an attempt to cling to their (most likely) undeserving fame and fortune. I hate celebutards.

* The Rodeo is fun. I dressed up like a Cowgirl to go today. Boots and all (boots, I might add, that I got for $30; originally $130. BOO-YAH. AND I got to cross something off my list of 101 in 1001, so double score.)

* Anyone been watching American Idol? I am kind of disappointed coming off of last year's trifecta of brilliance that was Kris Allen, Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta (Danny Gokey who?). But I think I am being a little harsh and judgy. Currently I favor: Crystal Bowersocks, Didi Benami, Katelyn Epperly, Siobahn Magnus, Lilly Scott, Andrew Garcia, Lee Dawyze, and stage-fright plagued mullet boy whose name escapes me. The rest I can kind of do without.

* I really want to try going a week without my cell phone. Sometimes I feel like it distracts me from life. What with the facebook updates, twitter temptations, emails, texts, phone calls, GAH. I wonder what that week would be like. It seems.... freeing. But also, very hard to stay in touch. Dilemma.

* I just love my mom. She is hilarious. A continued source of humor whether she means to be or not. Actual phone conversation last night after she insisted on installing her dvr box herself (I just convinced my parents that they needed dvr in their life so they could STOP RECORDING ON VHS TAPES. It may have been too much technology too fast. Remains to be seen.):
-Mom: I can't find the guide now! The dvr deleted my guide!
-Me: You should still have a guide. You need to call comcast again if it isn't coming up.
...(brief interim as she calls comcast)
-Mom: OK, I got the guide back. Now how do I record things?
-Me: Easy. Find what show you want to record on the guide, hilight it, press the record button on the remote and then follow the instructions that pop up- you can either record the series every time it comes on, only at certain times, or only this one time. You can also tell it how long to keep it on the dvr.
-Mom: Wait, what??
-Me: (explains again, slower)
-Mom: OK, it says it is recording. Now how do I watch it?
-Me: Go to "my dvr" and find it and press play. Try it now.
-Mom: But it isn't done recording yet!
-Me: Doesn't matter. You can still start watching from your recording. It will start at the beginning when you hit play. Then you can fast forward thru commercials until you hit live TV.
-Mom: WHAT??? You can fast forward? (she tests it and sure enough...) This is so cool!
-Me: Yes! Isn't it?
-Mom: OK, well I have to go. Dad and I are going to dinner and we want to get back in time so we don't miss the start of his show at 7.
-Me: MOM! That is the whole point of dvr!! RECORD the show and then no matter when you get home you can watch from the beginning!
-Mom: What if I get home at 7:05? Won't I miss the first 5 minutes?
-Me: NO. It records the entire episode and saves it forever until you delete it! You can watch it whenever! AND BONUS: you can fast forward thru the commercials if you come in on it late!
-Mom: What about if I come home at 7:45?
-Me: O. M. G.

Best phone conversation to date.

Those Were the Days...

2010-02-09T21:18:00.003-06:00

Hello. I just watched another episode of "Lost" and am so confused, I thought I would write a blog post about something completely opposite so my head doesn't explode.

I went to my college town this past weekend for the first time since October and walked around campus for probably the first time since I graduated in 2006. Every time I go back, it's like a flashback to all those amazing college experiences I accumulated over 4 years. As dumb as it sounds, every street reminds me of something, and stupid things like a sign for the "Pie R Squared" cafe triggers memories I haven't thought about in forever. I am making it sound like I have been out of college for 50 years, I know. But hey, time flies when you go to the same job day in and day out. I am creeping up on 4 years of post-graduate status and I already look back on college as this distant and perfect arrangement that I totally took for granted. I mean, I went to class MAYBE for 3 to 5 hours a day tops, and I slept in when I wanted, took naps when I wanted, ate when I wanted, studied when I wanted, went out when I wanted, talked to who I wanted, acted like an idiot when I wanted... Yes, yes, I am an adult and can do all of those things now, but can I do them without the responsibility of maintaining a 40 hour a week job? Or without the pressure of having to make rent or save money for my future? Or without worrying that I am never going to have a real career? No. College is important. You're getting an education that dictates the path you will take. But it is also the last simple, irresponsible 4 years of your life. Wow, that sentence sounded so final and depressing. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy with my life and have a great time. But college. You were over in a flash. Before I even realized how awesome and easy you were.

Aaaaaand.....

Time to go to bed at 10 PM so I am not a walking zombie for my full-time job in the morning.

To end on a high note, I have joined the crazies. Follow me on twitter if you like: @sheridanrenee.

LOSTLOSTLOST. LOST.

2010-02-05T10:27:00.004-06:00

LOST. I love it. Am obsessed. The final season just began on Tuesday night and the inner nerd in me has sprung to the occassion. It's fun to get caught up in the craziness. If you are a fan, you might find these youtube finds interesting. If not, you should go netflix seasons 1-5 now, watch, and get back to me.

This one is cool for putting together the events of the day of the plane crash, as they unfolded over 5 seasons of flashbacks, etc.

If you watched the Season 6 premiere, you will appreciate this one.

Sorry. Done with that. For now.

I'm with Coco.

2010-01-25T19:43:00.004-06:00

Hey, I'm alive. I truly have had every intention of blogging for the past month, but obviously I suck at follow-through.

I have been catching up on backlogged episodes of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien on my dvr. I still have the final 2 episodes to go and I have to say I am a little resistant to get to them because it makes me sad! Poor guy was screwed by NBC and Jay Leno. The last couple of weeks of his show have been hysterical, so even though it was wrong he had to go, I am glad he got to go out in a blaze of glory. I'm interested to see how awkward and offensive NBC will make the transition back to Jay Leno. I am going to miss Conan, but he is so dang funny, I am sure he won't be gone from television long. Yay, Coco.

There you go, my unsolicited thoughts on that. And now I am signing off again. Sorry, this was a lame post.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

2009-12-23T08:56:00.003-06:00

Woah, two blog posts in a row. I'm on a roll. Christmas Eve is tomorrow! Then it is Christmas Day! These are all things that you already know! Looks like maybe I shouldn't have been so ambitious to make another blog post today. I think I am too distracted to make a coherent post. Here is a list of things I have learned this Christmas season:

1. Free food and candy is awesome and when presented to me, I will eat it.
2. There is a definite limit to how much candy/sweets you can have before you want to vomit. No matter how free it is.
3. I will wait in line at Target @ 4:30 AM in the sub zero temperatures with the crazies to get a good deal on what I want.
4. Home Alone still stands the test of time as far as fun holiday movies go. Maybe because it was such a cool movie when I was young and I am nostalgic. I don't know. But it is awesome.
5. I have amazing friends that bought me awesome presents.
6. My family is crazy, but I love them immensely.
7. My boyfriend will never buy me a kitten for Christmas.
8. Thinking it will be ok to wait to the last minute to buy presents/visit the mall is a grave error in judgment.
9. It is impossible to wrap a stick pony well enough that it appears anyone over the age of 5 handled the job.
10. If you are looking for a very specific item, you will never find it. Or you will find it and it will take 50 million dollars and your kidney to buy it.
11. I will always go into Christmas shopping saying "I am not going to spend a lot of money this year." And then I will proceed to spend a crap ton more than the previous year.
12. "O Holy Night" is still the best Christmas hymn ever.
13. "All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey never gets old.
14. "Feliz Navidad", on the other hand, DOES. A lot. It inspires stapler throwing.
15. Texas weather will never properly reflect the season it occurs in.

I seriously doubt I will be posting tomorrow or Friday, so......

Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Buddy the Elf, What's Your Favorite Color?

2009-12-22T11:55:00.003-06:00

LIST!!!!!!

I love Christmas. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. I love Christmas music (which has been playing on my work radio for the past week- Sunny 99.1, non-stop Christmas music since Thanksgiving. Word.). I love Christmas trees. I love the general merriment the season brings. I love spending time with family. I love giving gifts (and duh, getting them). I also love Christmas movies- Home Alone, Elf, Love Actually, etc etc. Call me a sap, but this is the best time of the year, bar none. My heart is full, people.
Brittany Murphy died, which is really sad. She was just so young. Favorite Brittany Murphy movie: Clueless. I have seen it about 5 million times. "Cher, I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don't feel nothin' like steel."
Famous people die in sets of three, right? Eeessh.
Has anyone seen Avatar? I can't decide if the movie will be good enough to offset how much the freaky blue people scare me.
A certain boyfriend of mine has made it clear that he does not care to hold my keys if it can be avoided, as I have acquired quite a few obnoxious keychains and crap on them over the years. Well, I took a big step away from my mild hoarding tendencies today. I finally took off the LA Fitness and Darque Tan plastic scan cards that I still had flopping on my keychain, despite not having been members of either establishment for more than a year. I couldn't, however, part with the Petco one, even though I haven't lived with an animal for over 3 years. What if I get a cat some day?? I might NEED it. They don't just hand those out you know...oh wait... I also removed: cap from a long since lost green mini sharpie that used to live on my keychain; key from our old house that my parents moved out of in June; key that I have no idea what it actually goes to but for some reason have kept on my keychain for years hoping one day I would figure it out or all of the sudden need it; keychain I got from Disney World my senior year of highschool that used to say "Sheridan" and now says "eridan". I did, however, counterproductively add a key chain I received from a coworker for Christmas. Oops. Baby steps.

Strike 2, Immune System.

2009-12-03T11:38:00.005-06:00

I got strep. Again. Second time this year. Second time in 8 month span. I hate you, body. Fortunetly, this case was not as bad as the last- as in I did not feel like I was knocking on death's door. I think I caught it early enough to avoid the most painful and dramatic parts, thankfully. I mean seriously, I can pretty much diagnose myself now. Who needs a doctor and a $20 copay? Oh right, I do, because I can't write my own prescriptions. Maybe when some of my friends become doctors I can abuse that relationship and bribe a prescription out of them when I know I have it. Probably not. And now that the sore throat is pretty much gone, I am left with this hacking gagging awful sounding cough that I am pretty sure inspires paranoia in my coworkers, considering one literally just threw a cough drop at me and sprayed lysol into the air. On the bright side, I only had to use one vacation day from work this time, regardless of whether I should have stayed away longer, so yay medicine. See you again in 6 months, old friend.

In other news, you should go see "The Blind Side" with Sandra Bullock. If it doesn't make you smile, vow to be a better person & never take your life for granted, then your heart is made of stone. K- you probably shouldn't bother, as this is based on a true story.

101 in 1001

2009-11-30T14:33:00.037-06:00

I saw this list in a friend's blog and thought it was a really cool idea. I mean how many times do I sit around saying "I should do that" and then forget about it or never get to it? Well now I have some accountability in the form of an over the top life "to-do" list. Starting tomorrow, December 1, 2009 and lasting until... I believe August 27, 2012. Math is hard. Anyway, I will be checking things off as I do them or as I am in progress of doing them. And if the things I accomplish are especially noteworthy, I will make a blog post about them too. I made a link to the full list on the top right corner of my blog page to make it easily accessible for updates on my progress, should you ever be tempted to check up on me.

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (i.e. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. represent some amount of work on my part).

Start date: December 1, 2009
End date: August 27, 2012

Items in bold are completed
Items in italics are in progress
Related blog posts are linked where applicable
Donate $5 to charity for each thing I don’t complete

Personal:

Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years.

Decide what I want to be when I grow up.

No gossip of any kind for a week.

Relationships/Friendships:

Leave an inspirational note inside a book for someone to find.

Call a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time. (February 2011.)

Buy an "out of the blue, for no reason" present for someone I care about.

Send 10 "Just Because" cards. (0/10)

Family:

Ask my grandmothers to tell me about their life at my age.

Hear the full story of my parents’ first date, engagement & wedding.

Culture:

Go to a book signing.

Read a book written by someone I disagree with.

Nature:

Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day.

Carve my name on a tree.

Play in the rain.

Buy fresh flowers to display in my house just because.

Health:

Find out my blood type.

Floss every night for a month.

Take a dance class. (2/10/10: Took a beginner jazz class @ the Houston Met with my friend D who I was in dance team with in high school. I was surprised how much it was like "riding a bike". Will probably try intermediate class next time.)

Avoid fast food restaurants for a month straight. (March-April 2011. I plan to keep this up as long as I can- never felt better.)

Get lasik eye surgery. (6/30/10: I bet this was the one you thought I was LEAST likely to actually do, but I did it & now I can see! It is a miracle!)

Work out at least 3 days/week for an entire month. (November & December 2010: I run now. Something I never thought I would be doing. Shall continue.)

Use the stairs up and down at work for 2 weeks.

Do 50 crunches per day for a month.

Education/Creativity:

Expand my vocabulary by 100 words.

Write a short story.

Read 5 classic literature books that I have never read before- (1/5): 10/17/10: Read "Catcher In the Rye" for Book Club. Underwhelmed, I must say. But I can see how it would have been a bigger deal when it came out many moons ago.

Travel:

Attend a live taping of a TV show.

Go to a music festival.

Take a road trip up the east coast of the United States.

Visit Joanna when she moves for her residency.

Take a completely spontaneous weekend adventure/trip.

Fly somewhere in an airplane.

Go see people from LJ we know on Broadway with my mother.

Drive to Sheridan, TX for the day.

Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.

Go to the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.

Go to the Harry Potter theme park in Florida with equally fanatical Harry Potter fan friends.

Activities:

Sing karaoke at a bar.

Draw something in wet cement.

Fly a kite.

Host or attend a board game night. (My friend J had some friends over for games 2/19/10. Wanted to get to "Mall Madness", but for some reason the guys used their veto power on that one.)

Jump on a trampoline. (Hello, my boyfriend has one. So much trampolining.)

Visit a winery.

Go bowling with a group of friends. (4/18/10: Went to 300 Houston for a spur of the moment bowling fix. Decent prices, very nice interior, big screens down at the end of the lanes all the way across showing music videos and random sporting events. Very chic for a bowling alley. You have your own waitress who serves food AND alcohol. Awesome- highly recommend.)

Attend a Murder Mystery.

Go to a roller skate rink.

Ride on a ferris wheel.

Houston Activities:

Visit 10 new places in Houston. (5/10)- (12/08/09: went to a play at Alley Theater in Downtown; 2/26/10: Attended the HLS&Rodeo Cook-off. Free food and booze. Sweet deal.; 3/19/10: Went to Sam Houston Park in Downtown. They have several historical Houston homes there to see and learn about. And a pond with ducks and turtles.; 3/19/10: Stared out on Houston from the observation deck on the 60-something floor of the Chase Tower. Pretty amazing view. 4/7/11: Saw a play for free @ The Miller Outdoor Theater.)

Take a tour of NASA. (Went with Mark in October 2010. Very cool. Got to sit in the cockpit of the shuttle simulator!)

Attend a ballet.

Texas A&M Events:

Take a walking tour around my college campus again. (Completed on 2/6/10. Very strange being there again, but brought back great memories. See 2/9/10 blog about it.)

Go to 3 Aggie football games. (1/3). (8/4/10: Attended the SFA vs. TAMU game @ Kyle Field with my sister, Bro-in-law, and Jason. We beat their butts pretty bad- Gig Em!)

Finally go to an Aggie Baseball game for the first time.

Survival Skills:

Learn to drive a stick shift/manual vehicle.

Go to a gun range and shoot without crying at least once.

Assemble a first aid kit to keep in the car.

Learn how to change a tire.

Charitable Activities:

Donate to a charity (2/27/10: Donated all of the ill-fitting clothing from my closet, plus other various items to the Hospice.)

Find a program/place to volunteer on a regular basis.

Donate $5 to charity for each task I don’t complete.

Rescue a cat from an animal shelter.

Fashion & Beauty:

Have a little black dress.

Eliminate non-fitting or “hasn’t been worn in a year” clothing from my wardrobe. (1-25-10)

Wear a dress every day for a week straight.

Go to a spa for the day.

Finally find make-up that works for my skin and buy nice, all new stuff. (1-30-10: Bought Mac foundation primer, foundation and waterproof eyeliner. Spent an arm and leg, but it seems to take to my face better than any make-up has ever, given my oily "doesn't want to hold make-up longer than 10 minutes" complexion. Also bought waterproof mascara to combat my propensity for ending up with black under my eye every day.)

Computers/Social Networking:

Not log into facebook for a whole week.

Figure out how to transfer music and picture files from my Macbook to my external hard drive and make sure everything is copied to it. (3/11)

Food:

Bake cupcakes for no other reason than to eat them. (3/26/11- OK so they were technically for my 2 year anniversary with J, but I ate them and they were awesome.)

Eat something I have never tried before. (12/08/09: Ate a "crab shooter"- a piece of crab dipped in a special sauce with cucumbers @ Reef restaurant downtown- you eat the crab then "shoot" the sauce like a shot. Delicious. ALSO, for extra credit- 12/29/09: Ate fried shrimp and cheesy bacon grits with hot sauce @ Shade restaurant in the Heights. HIGHLY recommend.)

Cook a full breakfast- eggs, bacon, pancakes, sausage, oatmeal, etc.

Eat lunch at home for a month straight- no take out. (September 2010.)

Try a type of food I have never liked before.

Go to dinner somewhere that requires appropriate attire- dress and heels. (3/27/10: Celebratory dinner at Pappa Bros Steakhouse on Westheimer in honor of J and mine's 1 year anniversary. Fantastic steak and company.)

Buy a cute apron and find cause to use it. (1/9/10: Thanks to my friend Jo! Thank you for the adorable apron! Finding cause to use it everyday!)

Find and eat at 10 restaurants I have never been to in Houston. (10/10)- (12/08/09: Ate at Reef in Downtown Houston- delicious risotto and crab cake.; 01/03/10: Ate at Perry's Steakhouse for my birthday dinner with J. Steak is to die for. Lobster Bisque soup that almost made me cry it was so good.; 2/2010: Went to Cadillac Bar- excellent Mexican food. Had a fabulous queso with spinach in it. YUM.; 3/18/10: Tried out Zoe's on Washington. SO GOOD. And healthy to boot. Try the chicken and spinach eggrolls.; 3/31/10: Celebrated a friend's birthday with dinner at Ruggles Green. Delicious spicy chicken pasta that has now lasted me in leftovers for 4 total meals- stays well refrigerated for an entire week, just fyi. I know, I am a shamefully cheap leftovers eater.; 4/17/10: Ate at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for my annual company party. Delicious steaks and had some awesome crawfish appetizer cracker things. Best part: free to me. 6/21/10: Laurenzo's- Located on Washington, this place had the most amazing guacamole burger I have ever had. It included asiago cheese, arugala, pico de gallo, and some sort of special chili sauce. It had the perfect flavors. 2 thumbs up. 8/9/10: Truluck's- Delicious seafood- best lobster and king crab I may have ever had. 8/11/10: Vic and Anthony's Steakhouse- cooked my steak wrong, but other than that- delicious! Brought us free dessert for Jason's birthday, so bonus points. 10/19/10: London Sizzler- authentic little Indian food restaurant with a British flair. Delicious. I had actually never even had Indian food before, period, so some major branching out points here. Recommend: the Nonn (sp?) and Red Spicy Curry.)

Cook dinner at home once a week for a month. (September 2010.)

Holiday Themed:

Buy and decorate my own Christmas tree. (12/05/09: It may be only 2 feet tall, but it counts.)

Music:

Spend an hour finding new artists on iTunes.

Join a choir.

Television:

Unplug the TV and computer for an entire weekend.

Netflix “True Blood”.

Drop one TV show for good. (1/12/10: As of today, I will no longer be viewing Law & Order: SVU new episodes. I don't think seeing the occassional repeat on USA when nothing else is on will hurt...)

Movies:

Go to Rocky Horror Picture Show showing at midnight.

See 10 classic movies I’ve never seen (1/10). (1/9/10: Watched "Thelma & Louise". Not satisifed with the ending, but otherwise an enjoyable chick flick. Young Brad Pitt to stare at as well.)

Have a scary movie night with friends. (1-23-10: I am going to go ahead and count the night I watched "Paranormal Activity" with some friends for this because even though the event was not "planned" to be a scary movie night, I was unable to sleep without the lamp and tv on for a week after viewing this movie. So it counts.)

Watch “The Matrix”. - I was confused for the majority of the movie, but I watched it.

Buy DVD copies of all my VHS tapes.

See a drive-in movie.

Watch 5 cult classic 80s movies I have never seen. (4/5): (5-9-10: Spent some time with my new Wii netflix instant and watched "Ghost" [surprisingly, I really enjoyed it] and St. Elmo's Fire". 5-21-10: Watched "War Games" starring Matthew Broderick. I found it silly and underwhelming, but Jason really liked it. Maybe you have to be a guy. 9/25/10: Watched "The Pick Up Artist" with Molly Ringwold and a young, cute Robert Downy Jr. Typical 80s cheese fest, but overall a good watch.

Go see a movie by myself.

Spend a rainy day watching films in my PJ's

Religious:

Go to the morning church service 4 weeks consecutively.

Tithe for 3 months straight.

To Buy:

Own a flat screen LCD TV. (5-2-10: Bought a 1080p, 120 Hz LCD HDTV 40" flat screen. And I fell in love. Best idea ever.)

Own an iPhone. (7/2010: Going from a 2.5 year old Blackberry to an iPhone 4 was like the best thing ever. For lack of a better way to describe it. Currently loving my newly acquired iPhone. Worth the 2 hour wait in line.)

Buy cowboy boots. (Done and done: 3/6/10. Wearing them right now to go see Rascal Flatts @ the Rodeo.)

Work-Related:

Plan out what I am wearing each day of the work week the night before for a month.

Go a single day at work without making a negative comment of any kind.

Buy a coworker lunch.

Extra Cash:

Go thru my CDs, books, VHS, and DVDs and sell the ones I don't want to Half-Price Books.

Life in Pictures

2009-11-18T16:33:00.007-06:00

The one, the only... Regina Spektor. Live at Verizon Theater. AWE-SOME.

Renaissance Festival.

I never volunteer to go on stage. They always just FIND me and drag me kicking and screaming.

She got her Monte Cristo!!

Aggie Football at it's finest. We actually played well AND won this game.

Mute Math concert. No words for its awesomeness.

No caption needed.

Sequence of close-up pooch cheek pictures. No reason.

Volunteering to D'Feet Breast Cancer in Galveston and super happy about it!! Good times there.

The boy thinks it is funny to take candid walking photos. I apparently do not.

Life size chess game in Galveston = necessary photo op.

ANGER AT TRAFFIC ON THE WAY TO SEE MUSE/U2!!! MUCH RAGE.

Biggest sweet potato pancakes ever. With ceramic cow. Gig Em.

Bullet Point List #5,612

2009-11-05T11:27:00.005-06:00

Lists allow me to put down all my random and incoherent thoughts on one page for your viewing (mocking) pleasure. And it is easier than sculpting a meaningful blog post. Me likey.

I would be such an awesome rich person. Seriously, give me all your money, you won't be sorry.
Regardless of what my sister tells you, November is awesome. thisclose to Christmas wonderfulness, but far enough away that you get to look forward to all the ensuing festivities and good times. PLUS, Thanksgiving turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie? GET OUT OF TOWN.
Sometimes I wonder why certain obscure bands get radio play [Kings of Leon] and some are tragically ignored [Mute Math]. Don't get me wrong, I like Kings of Leon and despite what J thinks, they earned their current level of fame. But I challenge you to listen to both Mute Math CDs, catch their concert, and watch their videos online and EXPLAIN to me why they aren't rolling in the mainstream fame and success they deserve. Although I have to say, I like it when really good bands don't have that one hit song plastered all over the radio non-stop until a once treasured melody makes my ears bleed. Plus, white people would have no indie music to brag about liking if they all got radio play. So I guess I will stop complaining. Or stop listening to the radio.
Holy crap, start watching "Modern Family". Best new comedy of the year [votes taken from me and tallied by me].
Who else wishes they had thought of Jim Halpert's Halloween get-up first? Who will admit it took them in excess of 5 minutes to actually figure out what his costume meant? Just me? Well then ok.
I have been craving Layne's for a week now. I might crack if I don't get my fix soon. If you have ever lived in College Station, you probably know what I mean.
Ever notice how when you work in an office, things that are supposed to be fun, like say "Secret Santa" or "CSR Bingo", always end up turning into just another set of rules and regulations that you have to follow and be held accountable for, laced with guidelines that must be met based upon standards that are ridiculous and/or unattainable for everyone, until your boss has eventually sucked all the potential fun out of the activity? No? Just my office?

Donkeys

2009-10-30T14:08:00.003-05:00

Today, I realized I have a problem. Today, I realized that my instinct leads me to run out the door half dressed and frantic and then finish getting ready for work in the car upon discovery of a roach loose in the house (and from here on out in this blog I will use code word "donkey" to signify this demonic creature- the term my family and friends are familiar with using on a regular basis so that I don't have to HEAR the name, as the mere thought frightens me so. Crap. I am already sounding like a crazy person and this is just the "parenthesis back story"). I am sure everyone has their odd "fear" or endearing "quirk". Well this is mine (although the countless people that have been called upon to rescue me from this precious quirk would hardly call it "endearing" I am sure.) I have always known I was a little overdramatic and ridiculous when it came to donkeys, but I don't think I quite grasped it until I began living by myself. Apparently, all these years of having roommates and family to do the dirty work for me, has shielded me from just how much I cannot handle killing a bug 1/5000th my size [made up fraction.] Logically, yes, I know it can't do anything to me. But try to convince me of that when it is just sitting there, silently plotting my demise, awaiting its next move so it can attack when I least expect it.

Slightly helpful email exchange today between my sister and I:

Me: I feel anxious that I can't go in my house until later this afternoon. What if it has eaten everything before J kills it? Do you think it is just sitting there being evil or is it all over my stuff? I really have a problem.

K: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Me: Stop laughing and do your job as my sister and put my fears to rest!!! Tell me something comforting like "I am sure it is dead by now" or "Donkeys only crawl on the wall, your stuff is fine." or "It is probably just sitting in the same spot where you left it." COME ON. Help the crazy, don't hinder.

K: It probably IS dead. I'm sure your apartment complex exterminates regularly, most of them exterminate every 3 months. And even if it isn't dead for some reason, they don't generally go crawling all over everything. And it certainly isn't EATING anything.

OK so it probably isn't eating everything. Slight overreaction there. But I am STILL not walking in that house until J comes to rescue me this afternoon (thank God for him) lest it flies at me like a spider monkey of death. And I am still going to fully disinfect my house and wash all sheets, towels, etc. Send for help. I have reached a new level of paranoia.

Ways In Which I Am Becoming My Parents.

2009-10-14T09:43:00.006-05:00

Wow, it has been a month since I have blogged. I'm back!

I have always been told (more often than not by my own mother) to "be nice to your mother because someday you will turn into her". As a naive youth, I scoffed "No, not me! That's crazy speak!" Well I am here today to validate that this does, indeed, happen eventually, whether you want it to or not. And you might become your dad too.

Yesterday was a perfect example.

Instance #1: Background info for this story: When I was in high school, my friend and I were hanging out in our small podunk town one evening when I received this frantic call from my mother: "Are you ok!?!? I just heard an ambulance!!" Not as in "I saw you in an accident when I was driving by" or "heard someone with a car like yours had a wreck", just checking in the general sense of "I heard a siren somewhere, in some part of town and had a panic attack." Overprotective? Yes. But ultimately, I chalked it up to mom being cute and I laugh about it to this day.
Well, yesterday, before I could even realize what I was doing, I was leaving a voicemail for my friend who lives in the vacinity of a street where I was driving past and saw ambulances. You know, just to make sure she was ok. Yes, it's as silly as it sounds. She's fine by the way. May still be laughing at me though.

Instance #2: I actually proved I am turning into my father as well. Background info for this story: My dad NEVER stacks plates after a meal. NEVER. He claims that it is ridiculous to do so because then you have to wash BOTH sides of the plate. We all know much better than to ever break this cardinal rule in his presence. And while I see his point to an extent (and it makes sense in family gatherings to humor him as he is the only one that ever does the dishes), I always join in with others to lovingly mock him for his adamant stance on dishwashing techniques.
Cut to last night- I was having dinner with my boyfriend and his sister and bro-in-law, and as J offers to take my plate, I actually grimaced as the bottom of my plate grazed the top of his. He has been warned how my father is about this, so he knew exactly where the look came from, and therefore I was immediately mocked. Apparently this is one habit that will forever be ingrained in my psyche. So take note: apparently there will be no stacking of plates in MY presence now.

My parents are great, so hooray I am turning into them and not, say, Paris Hilton. But still. Tis creepy.

Happy Get Out of My Cubicle and Stop Sending Me Emails Day!

2009-09-17T12:08:00.004-05:00

I would like to dedicate this day to the hardworking, underpaid, hardly appreciated employees out there that suffer continuously from the micromanaging, controlling, "I'm better than you" complex driven individuals that push us to the brink of insanity on a daily basis. You know, your bosses. Today is for anyone who has ever said "Hey, my boss is kind of annoying." or "No ma'am, I have not had a chance to do that yet because you just sent me the email 5 seconds ago and it is not the only thing I have to do today and emailing me 5 more times in rapid succession does not make me work any faster." or "Please, don't set that guy on fire. It's not funny. But rather quite illegal." (No seriously. This really happened to someone I know.)

I apologize if you are a boss and feel that I am giving bosses everywhere a bad name. I am sure YOU are the perfect boss and your employees love you and everything you do. Yes, I am quite sure of it.

But if you are treated at times as a lowly underling like me, then you must know exactly where I am coming from. Unless you are employed by one of the perfect bosses mentioned above. In which case, I spit on you. Not really. Hire me?

I shant say another word, lest I be persecuted for my insubordination. But just know, my fellow cubicle inhabitants, this day's for you, and there is someone else out there, somewhere, wishing they too could chunk their stapler at people's heads. Underlings Unite.

Today's Talking Points

2009-09-16T10:34:00.004-05:00

Yes, I would say some sort of revamping of the notification system should occur. Ugh, poor family.
I'm with sweet little Taylor on this one. Yes, Kanye is a total jerkface, but is that really anything we didn't already know? I am glad the media went off on him, because he totally deserved it. But this is NOT the first time he has pulled some kind of crap like this. Why don't we all just start ignoring him and other similar celebrity fools and maybe when they realize they can't get publicity anymore they will finally GO AWAY. Just a thought.
Really don't know what to think of this yet. Could be hilarious. But on the other hand, why not have just 3 judges again? It was a better format. They all talk too much anyway. And besides, what authority does Ellen have on musical talent? I realize how unimportant this is in the greater scheme of things. Humor my unnecessary concern.
You so should be watching GLEE.
Has anyone seen the "new" Jay Leno show yet? Is it worth wasting dvr space?
Interesting. I feel like there is some kind of deep intellectual commentary in here somewhere about the importance of social networks and instant communication in our society. Meh.
Seriously? Racism is a horrible thing. But jumping to this conclusion for the next 4 years everytime someone disagrees with the President? Insulting and inaccurate. Man should not have blurted out "You Lie"- that was disrespectful indeed. But COME ON.
In entertaining fake news... Small inside joke to Amy: GONE WITH THE WIND! STONEHENGE!

9.11

2009-09-11T17:20:00.002-05:00

Still get choked up watching footage. I don't think anyone will ever forget where they were when it all played out. Very important to remember what happened. God bless our soldiers protecting us today. This day always makes me feel extremely proud of my country. God Bless America.

Sex On Fire

2009-09-10T16:33:00.003-05:00

Saw this on my sister's blog, thought it looked fun.

Here’s the rules: Put your iTunes on shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. Use that song name, no matter how silly it sounds!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY,” YOU SAY?
"15 Step" - Radiohead

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"City of Blinding Lights" - U2
Because I am so beautiful.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Daylight" - Jump Little Children
Happiness? Joy?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Release the Stars" - Rufus Wainwright
Ready for bed.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
"My Big Mouth"- Oasis
To talk a lot I suppose. Done and done.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Electric Renaissance" - Belle & Sebastian
Heck yes, I like that.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Slipped Away (the ballad of Lauretha Vaird)" - G. Love & Special Sauce
I certainly hope not.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Groove Is In the Heart" - Deee-Lite
I do like to dance. Stop laughing that this is on my ipod.

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Headphones" - Fall Out Boy
Obviously.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Now That You're Home" - Manchester Orchestra
Hmm.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"E-Pro" - Beck
He's a pro!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Back At Your Door" - Maroon 5
There's my perservering spirit.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Keep Fishin'" - Weezer
I hate fishing.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Windowsill" - The Arcade Fire
When do I NOT think about windowsills is the better question.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Hang Me Up to Dry" - The Cold War Kids
Again, hmm.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Die Die Die" - Dr. Dog
I don't think that could have worked out better.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Death By Chocolate" - Sia
I was wrong. THAT worked out way better. What a way to go.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Rhythm Sticks" - Blackalicious
Hahahahaha. Laughing at band name too. This must be some of Jason's music.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish" -My Chemical Romance
My fashion is offensive.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"One Song Glory" -Adam Pascal (from RENT)
Yes they are.

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"You Don't Know How It Feels"- Tom Petty
And you wouldn't if that worse thing happened so why even tell you.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Zombie Zoo"- Tom Petty
I certainly hope not. Sounds creepy.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Love You Madly" - Cake
You in particular.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Broadway" - Goo Goo Dolls
Sometimes.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Mansion in the Valley" - The M's
Tears of joy.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Never Is a Promise" - Fiona Apple
WOAH. Ouch. Guess I should stock up on some cats.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Sexy Ladies"- Justin Timberlake
hahahahahahaha.

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Carry You" - Jimmy Eat World
Nonsensical.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"This Time of Year" - Better Than Exra
Not so actually.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Raining in Baltimore" - Counting Crows
Indeed.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Sex on Fire" - Kings of Leon
This will surely get the readers sucked in.

09-09-09

2009-09-09T11:20:00.005-05:00

*Today is 09-09-09. I feel like I should be doing something special. ...

*Random thought of the day. I love DVR. I can record beloved movies and TV shows and watch them whenever I please. Herein lies the new troubling condition I have developed: I keep episodes of shows or movies I have already watched on there so long, that now I can't bring myself to delete them because what if maybe, just maybe, someday I will want to watch them again? And if I delete them, won't I be mad someday when the only thing I want to do is watch them and they AREN'T THERE? So I keep them all and then eventually my DVR memory starts filling up and I have to make difficult, heart wrenching deleting decisions just so I can record more crap on TV. It is the new technologically advanced version of packrat-ism and hoarding. Here is the worst part: the movies I currently can't bear to part with? Au Pair and Labor Pains. Yes folks, THIS is the painstaking decision to delete I cannot make.

*Saw "All About Steve" on Monday. O. M. G. HORRIBLE. Least funny movie I have seen since "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". The only funny parts were most likely not meant to be funny. Towards the end, it got so ridiculously cheesy and stupid, my friends and I couldn't help but mock the crap out of it. I didn't like one single character in the movie. They were either completely vapid and unlikeable, or they were spastic and bizarre and sad to watch and generally unbelievable as humans. Don't waste your money.

*Self realization #1,256: I don't like meatballs.

*Some people are nuts. Others are judgmental. Some are both nuts and judgmental. Avoid these people. Really, they should be required to wear signs. Especially the ones that lie dormant for 3+ years and then suddenly attack you with their "high-and-mighty-I'm-better-than-you" crazy. I'd respect them more if I knew upfront- you know, like "Well, I DID see their sign, I had my warning....guess I can't be too upset now..."

*I just ate like an entire slab of jalapeno cheese. Regret in approximately...now.

Love.

2009-08-27T17:46:00.002-05:00

First official post from my brand spankin new macbook. Does it feel different to be reading it? Because from where I sit, it feels AWESOME. A new era. A rebirth. Life.

Overly dramatic? I think not. I have spent the last two days physically glued to my macbook. Not even television has served as anything other than nice background noise since this lovely creature entered my life. I want to write poems and music about it. I literally hear birds every time it's near. If you own one, you must know what I mean.

Off to discover more of its wonder. Hooray!

Happy Macbook Day!

2009-08-25T08:30:00.005-05:00

Today is the day I get my Macbook!! I ordered it online last week and TODAY I GET IT (the marvel of the modern day postal system)!!! I am so stoked. Now I cross my fingers that my neighbor still has her internet unlocked so I can steal it. HEY don't judge me, internet is expensive and.... I'm cheap. Well I guess I DID spend a lot of money on a Macbook, so maybe cheap is not the word....perhaps picky about what I am willing to spend money on? I spit on you Comcast and your $500 million internet charge. I need to also do some research of restaurants/coffee shops near me that let you use their internet for free....

Irrelevant. I GET A MACBOOK TODAY! Don't hate, sister of mine.

In other exciting news, all my shows will be premiering soon, yippee!! I have a slight obsession with television. NERD ALERT: I made a spreadsheet showing when all the shows I want to watch come on so I could determine which ones overlap, thus making it possible to properly organize my dvr for optimal recording and to decide which shows will be relegated instead to internet viewing. OMG, I am quite certain I have a problem. Intervention please. SIDE NOTE: dvr changed my life.

As if the shows I am already addicted to weren't enough, some new ones will be premiering that I think I might check out, you know just to see if they are any good (read: see if I can make my problem even worse). One such show is Glee on FOX. I saw the "sneak preview" of it this past spring and it seems like it will be a hoot. I'll let you know. Also, something called Flash Forward on ABC. Always the sucker for anything slightly sci-fi, I could possibly get on board with this if it turns out to showcase good writing and acting. Also doesn't hurt that it stars "Charlie" from LOST, my ultimate TV obsession. Morbid curiosity has me set to dvr the remake of Melrose Place on the CW. But I think my "trashy young people on TV" quota might already be filled with my viewing dedications to Gossip Girl and the 90210 remake. Only time will tell.

But before you label me a loser TV junkie, the only shows that are a MUST watch to me are: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and So You Think You Can Dance. Lost and American Idol would make that list too, but they don't premiere until January, phew. I think that is a respectable number of shows. I will NOT, however, reveal the total number on my spreadsheet. 'Tis embarrassing.

Status: Currently Weeping for Humanity

2009-08-24T14:53:00.004-05:00

O.M.G. How much longer is society going to humor celeb-tards who have nothing of value to offer? Explain to me how being a money-grubbing, fame-seeking, reality show and media whore qualifies you to "sing and dance" (and I use the terms loosley) on the Miss Universe pageant stage, or any stage for that matter? Why aren't Heidi Montag's friends, family and spawn of satan husband not saving her from the humiliation? Makes me sad, for her, for humanity, for the future, for the children. Please, someone stop her. FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN, I beg of you.

In the meantime, watch the video and laugh.

Commitment FAIL.

2009-08-18T09:21:00.003-05:00

You may recall a post I made about a month ago listing the following goals (or probably not):

I vow to cut out dairy for a month to see what happens.
I vow to go running/work out 3 times a week (at least).
I vow to continue to avoid fast food restaurants.

Well before you start thinking "Wow, she is really doing a great job making healthy changes in her life", let me update you on my "progress" and simultaneously shatter the illusion.

1. Ate dairy about 3 days after the original post. Delicious. Decided it was totally worth the stomach aches.
2. Actually kept up with this for 2 weeks (high five?). Then went to Hawaii. And eased comfortably back into eat eat eat, sit sit sit, repeat repeat repeat.
3. Probably did best with this. But just TRY and keep me away from Chick-Fil-A, Wendy's, Whataburger and McDonald's for an extended period of time. There aren't enough fruit and vegetables in the world to block the doors.

Why can't I ever stick to resolutions like this? What does that say about me? Or better question, after 25 years of resolution FAIL, why do I keep acting like making them is going to make any difference at all?

Hope. That's why. HOPE. HOPE FOR CHANGE. Wait, where am I going with this. Look, donuts in the kitchen. EAT.

New Computer?

2009-08-11T14:35:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been about 25 million days since I wrote a legitimate blog post. You won't be getting one today. I need opinions. I am about (I think) to take the plunge and buy a Macbook laptop. Being a PC girl for many years, this is quite a change for me. I am also not very computer savvy, so I need advice from people who perhaps already have a macbook or are just smart and know a lot about it. Is this a good idea? Should I spring for the mac? Are there additional options you know are cool and I should consider? Thoughts, ideas, hopes and fears? Post below please.

Good Stuff.

2009-08-03T12:21:00.003-05:00

So I just got back from a week of wonderfulness in none other than Hawaii!!! I was snapped back into reality this morning when this strange beeping noise annoyingly woke me at 6:45 am. More on that later.

My fellow blogger posted this link on her site and I thought I would share. I really hope a showing makes it to my city- it looks SO GOOD. And it is one of those things that makes me cry and cry and cry- in a good way though. In the way that reminds me that there are still really fantastic, generous, selfless people out there doing wonderful things every day. Truly heartwarming. Click here- maybe you won't cry like a baby at work like I did.

Helen Keller

2009-07-22T16:37:00.003-05:00

For the life of me I can't get that God forsaken song out of my head- you know, the one where you are instructed to "Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips"? WHY WHY OH WHY IS IT IN MY HEAD IN A CONSTANT LOOP. But not the whole song. No. I never listen to it long enough when it comes on the radio to catch more words than that one line. So it is just that line. Over and over. And over and over. Until I slowly lose it. Why are crappy songs always so catchy?? And really, what has this world come to that songs now exploit famous blind/deaf people in an effort to command listeners to partake in obscene gyrations? Dumb.

Found the video online so you can suffer too.

Harry Potter Mania!

2009-07-15T16:28:00.003-05:00

Midnight show of Harry Potter last night! Play by play:

9:00 PM- Dinner @ Cafe Adobe. Ate way too much salsa and could then only eat one fajita.
9:45 PM- Took a picture with authentically dressed Harry Potter fans.
10:10 PM- Walked over to theater. Ooohed and aahed at various costuming choices by others.
10:15 PM- Claimed our seats on the back row; theater already 65% full.
10:35 PM- Witnessed great feats of nerdom. Rinse and repeat.
10:40 PM- J bites his lip. It bleeds profusely.
10:43 PM- After brief trip to men's room, bleeding under control.
10:45 PM- J bites lip again. Blood.
10:46 PM- J bites lip again. My sympathy is running thin. I mock him.
11:00 PM- Began watching blooper videos on youtube with my friend's iPhone. Felt twinge of guilt for laughing at clip of man proposing to his girlfriend after popping out of a mascot costume at a professional basketball game. Surprisingly, she said "No."....
11:30 PM- Ladies room break- no breaks allowed once previews start, of course.
11:45 PM- Played trivia with actors dressed as characters from the movie. They handed out posters to enthusiastic fans with correct answers. I secretly got all the answers right in my head.
11:55 PM- Listened while a woman holding an owl (yes a real one) made bad Burger King jokes & discussed the wing span of said owl at length.
11:57 PM- Made an ignorant comment about owls carrying deer in their mouths. Was mocked for roughly 2 minutes. Laughed so hard I cried.
12:01 PM- People still talking about owls. Frantic fanatics get restless- begin chanting for movie to begin.
12:04 PM- PREVIEWS!!! Crowd erupts in applause.
12:25 PM- Crowd cheers, whistles, hollers, yelps in general merriment as the warner brothers logo appears on screen. IT'S HERE.
2:30 AM- Movie over...clapping...eyes so tired...walking to exit...a lot of people...slow...so tired...
2:40 AM- Arrive at car. Collapse into seat. Eye drops.
2:42 AM- Stuck behind dumbest man alive in car.
3:30 AM- At home, in bed. Zzz.
7:30 AM- Most...annoying...sound...ever. Wakey Wakey.

Ears...bleeding...help....

2009-07-14T16:08:00.003-05:00

I am a music freak. And therefore appalled, APPALLED, at this cover of the Postal Service's classic "Such Great Heights".

Original, awesome version.

Craptastic, tragically horrible, what the frak were they thinking bunk version.

No Cheese

2009-07-10T10:55:00.004-05:00

Plagued by the onslaught of killer stomach aches this week:

I vow to cut out dairy for a month to see what happens.

I vow to go running/work out 3 times a week (at least).

I vow to continue to avoid fast food restaurants.

I think I can do this. People that see/talk to me regularly, please hold me accountable.

"Dreams Be Dreams"

2009-07-08T12:22:00.004-05:00

I had a crazy dream last night that I actually remembered.

I went to a Sheryl Crow and Jack Johnson concert on the lawn outside of my friend's house (of course). I was the only one that showed up, along with my Dad. After they had performed, they came and talked to us personally and thanked us for coming. They lamented how hard it is to get people to come see their shows. I assured them I loved their music and then secured my fan status by reciting my favorite Jack & Sheryl songs. At this point Jack nudged Sheryl and gave her that "you thinking what I'm thinking" look and they announced that they wanted me to work for them, traveling on their tour and handling all their shows, etc. I of course accepted on the spot, and then hugged Sheryl. Jack asked me to get off his wife (although I am pretty sure they are not married in real life) and we all had a good laugh.

Please translate.

I Heard He Controls the Weather and Wrote the Screenplay to Glitter!

2009-07-07T11:48:00.004-05:00

LIST!

1. My friend just started a blog! She cracks me up and has lots of fun hospital stories, being a 4th year med student. You should check her out.

2. I am going to start having wings from Wings 'N' More every Tuesday. Because.

3. I found a spider in my bathtub this morning- 2nd time this week. What gives? Sidenote: I enjoy watching them curl into a little mangled ball when doused with water.

4. My living room is starting to look like a living room! Now with new bookcase and wall hangings! Thanks Amy!

5. This one is actually a question: Is it cheaper to leave your air on the same temperature, say 78 degrees all the time or to turn it up higher when you aren't at home? This may sound dumb, but pretend it isn't.

6. Do not buy music by Wes Hayden on principle, assuming his fan base ever extends further than Chihuahua, Mexico. If you watch the Bachelorette, you know what I'm talking about.

7. I am going to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next Tuesday. It's going to be AWESOME. Stop laughing.

8. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

9. I think a few people have deleted me as their friends on facebook. If you are one of them, I want a detailed assessment of WHY we can't be friends on an extremely superficial social networking website. 30 pages, single-spaced & notarized. And an apology. And my friendship bracelet back.

Concert Etiquette

2009-07-06T15:21:00.009-05:00

I went to the Third Eye Blind concert a couple of weeks ago and my experience got me thinking- is there certain concert etiquette that is just common courtesy? I've been to a lot of concerts over the years, at many different venues, both small and large. I have even been attacked by a vicious mosh pit (Read: annoying and stupid drunk guys), where I had to defend myself by kicking the offenders (it was fun!). I have always felt that concerts are pretty much an "anything goes short of murder" atmosphere, but this last concert had some interesting characters. I was also in the middle of my strep throat of doom (see previous blog post) at this concert, so that too may have weighed in on my general annoyance.

Exhibit A.

"Girl who just loooves her boyfriend so much that she cannot be bothered to sit in her own seat lest she be apart from him for more than 2 seconds."

OK, we get it. You guys are close. But there is a reason you buy seperate tickets to a concert. So that everyone can have a seat. If we could sit in laps, I would have saved a lot of money over the years (and made a lot of new friends in the process). Another reason we buy seperate tickets is so that the people behind you can see. Sure, I was not directly inconvenienced by you, but many people were and that is just rude. RUDE. And thirdly, it is dumb to sit in your boyfriend's lap for 2.5 straight hours when you don't have to. Kids I get. Twenty year olds, not so much.

Exhibit B.

"Fans who just looove Third Eye Blind so much that the rhythm...well it GOT them and they cannot be bothered to stay in their seats for the MUSIC, it MOVES them."

I didn't have a picture of them, so you get a band pic. I really don't have a problem with this sort of enthusiasm typically, & I will admit at certain concerts that I am totally feeling it and my legs won't allow me to sit. So I really wanted to side with them when the people behind them starting cussing them out because they couldn't see (that being a whole other kind of public obnoxiousness that need not be, but I won't touch on that today). But really, if you are such a rabid fan, you should have bought the standing room only tickets that were a) cheaper and b) closer to the band.

Exhibit C.

"I am old and apparently high and have no rhythm but here I will dance for you Lady."

OK, so this picture obviously did not come out. But honestly, I don't think even a still photo could paint the picture of how visually impairing this woman's reckless abandon was, nor how much it made me want to stab needles in my eyes just to make it stop. It was actually pretty entertaining I guess (in the "I feel sorry for them" bad way), but seriously, isn't there a certain age cut off where dancing like a fool with no concept of rhythm or reality is unacceptable? And really, is this woodstock? No, it is a Third Eye Blind concert in the House of Blues. The musician in me wanted to grab her and force her to do her bizarre hippie sway to the actual beat we were all hearing instead of the one in her head. I guess I do have to give her props for not caring what anyone thought, though.

Of course none of this detracted from the good time (well except for the strep throat). See, we're smiling:

Hooray for concerts and all the interesting people you meet!

Am Old.

2009-06-24T16:48:00.004-05:00

I threw my back out Monday- as in couldn't walk without excruciating pain. Caused by stepping out of the car. I wasn't even DOING anything like, say, lifting a box, practicing back flips, or saving kittens from a burning tree. I was basically walking. Does this qualify me for "old lady" status? Weigh in below, and be gentle. My arthritic bones can't take the ridicule.

Spontaneity Anyone?

2009-06-18T10:09:00.004-05:00

Good Spontaneity.
My life-long friend called me Monday and surprised me with the news that she was going to Hawaii at the end of July....and wanted me to come! Normally, the logical, number-crunching side of my brain would say "I just can't - I don't have the money." But I allowed my elusive spontaneous side to take over and I AM GOING TO HAWAII in a little over a month! FOR A WEEK!! And only paying $75 TOTAL to stay, plus flight & food of course. I could not be more excited, not to mention proud that I am just going for it- you know, taking life by the... well, being exciting for once. Yay me!

Bad Spontaneity.
I woke up yesterday morning - early mind you, so I would actually do my hair and make-up properly - only to discover my water had been turned off- AGAIN. No shower for me. The apartment has been "fixing a series of leaks" for a week now, and frankly if they shut off my water one more time, they might be dealing with more than just a leak. Enter: enraged woman who can't shower when she wants. Who decided 7 AM would be a good time to shut off apartment water? Did no one consider that most people are up trying to get ready for work at that hour? As if that wasn't irritating enough, I got home that same day to discover my AC had broken. In 100 degree weather. So I call maintenance to get this repaired, and encounter the least helpful & most argumentative customer service representative known to man. Our conversation:

Me: Hi, I live in #2415 and my AC is broken- how quickly can you get someone out here?

CSR: #2415- Emily?

Me: Huh?

CSR: Your name is Emily?

Me: Oh, no. My name is Sheridan.

CSR: Did you just move there?

Me: In March...

CSR: Hmmm. That is weird.

Me: So...about my AC- can you get someone out here?

CSR: How do you spell your name?

Me: S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N

CSR: S-E-R-I-D-A-N

Me: No, S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N

CSR: That's what I SAID. Phone number?

Me: (gave her #- you don't get that)

CSR: OK, thank you. Need anything else?

Me: Yes, do you know when they will come? It is really really hot in here.

CSR: No.

Me: Well, will they call before they come?

CSR: Ma'am I am just taking the message for them, I don't know.

Me: OK, thanks?

About 2 hours later, maintenance is still a no show so I decide to check. I call again and get a different lady. She informs me that they do not make AC calls after sun down and they will be there first thing in the AM. I guess it would have been too difficult for the 1st woman to tell me that, lest I actually know what was going on.

Strep Throat of Doom

2009-06-12T14:27:00.004-05:00

I loathe strep throat. I get it anytime I am exposed to it. And sure enough, I got it this week. I have been locked up in my house on the couch, watching reruns of House Hunters and Property Virgins on HGTV (wow, showing my age a bit) and wallowing in self pity. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but whenever I get sick and I am at that full-blown illness stage, I convince myself "you better get used to this" because OBVIOUSLY I will never recover- I am too far gone. Seconds from death. I will have to quit my job, move in with my parents, lose all my friends, and become a dependant sloth of a person, under the constant care of my mother for life until she gives up and enters me into a nursing home facility. Just as my illness-induced paranoia was coming to fruition, the doctor gave me a magical shot of medicine in my left hiney cheek and I started to see the hope of possible recovery. Seriously, if you ever get Strep, ask for the shot. It stings for like 30 seconds going in, but I felt almost 100% better in under 24 hours. So much more than I can say for the last time I got strep (about a year ago) and the doc put me on the oral medication. I was out for a good 5 days that time. Now fully recovered, I have completely disinfected the house: changed the sheets, threw out my toothbrush, sterilized my water bottles, the works. I have also vowed to take a vitamin c pill daily- you know, try to beef up that immune system so maybe, just maybe, I can fend this off if exposed again (which inevitably I will be). Not to let my pessimistic side show, but I am pretty sure any extra efforts will be in vain as I am apparently at the mercy of this particular virus. And I am sure one year from now, you will probably be reading another blog post about how I almost "died" from Strep.

Noteworthy Nonsense

2009-06-12T14:09:00.005-05:00

So my friend Courtney found this on the internet and I just had to share. Further evidence that celebrities are idiot robots programmed to act indredibly strange and say stupid things:

See Jessica Alba Pose by Poster of Shark Here

My favorite part of the article: "Apparently she was trying to help promote shark conservatism in land-locked Oklahoma..."

Aww, shucks, those crazy celebrities and their philanthropic causes.

Project Eat Better: Day 9.

2009-06-03T15:22:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure I have made much progress.

Wednesday 6/3/09 @ 3:28 PM: I broke down and ate a microwave burrito and jalapeno ranch dip from Chuy's for lunch today. And a huge brownie. The burrito was one of those healthier type burritos, but a microwave burrito nonetheless. Look, I'm not perfect. I also had hot wings and fries this weekend- want to berate me for that? Sorry, I didn't mean to sass you like that. It's not your fault I am weak. I have kind of discovered that the only change I have really made to my diet is that I added more fruit and less McDonalds, plus a heck of a lot more guilt than ever before. So I still eat about the same, just more regret for what I have put down my throat. Healthier? Well, more accountability perhaps. I really am trying. And I think it is a miracle I haven't been to McDonalds or Wendy's for a week. So, progress. I still haven't touched the salad I bought. I just really don't like salad. There are some things I just can't do. I also am pretty sure there is some large scale conspiracy going on at my office to keep me from eating healthy. Monday was breakfast tacos from Taco C. Tuesday was dips and chips from Chuy's and ice cream cakes. How am I supposed to say no to all this free, wonderful food? They know I can't resist. They are evil. I will eat these oranges to spite them now.

More Lessons...

2009-06-03T14:53:00.004-05:00

1. Before having a hysterical freak out at the sight of an insect dive bombing you in your bedroom, determine what kind of bug it actually is. Once you have ascertained the danger level to be at zero (hello June Bug), cease panic. However, if it is a donkey, run for your life. But you knew that.

2. Cement poles are not made of marshmallow, nor are they figments of your imagination. If you hit one while backing out of a parking space at warp speed, it won't magically pass through your car. It will create a massive dent on the side of said car and destroy the side mirror. It will cost you $500, an insurance claim, and your dignity.

3. Don't get so attached to inanimate objects. One day your mom and dad will sell their house WITHOUT asking your permission (GASP), and then where will you be? PSSSHAAAA.

4. Brownies are easy to cook and I am awesome at them. I also eat them very well.

Project Eat Better: Day One.

2009-05-26T13:04:00.005-05:00

I have decided to take control of my life and cut out (or at least cut down) on the fried foods and sweets/snacks that I have so happily thrived on for the past 25 years (or more accurately, ever since I moved out of mom & dad's house and was forced to forage for my own food). I went to HEB and stocked up on fruits, veggies, granola, and anything my "nutritionist" (aka my friend who eats healthy) said I should eat. I shall call this "Project Eat Better" and I intend to really stick to a strict diet for at least 2 weeks straight. I feel one of two things will happen:

a) I start feeling better, have more energy, break my nasty eating habits and continue to eat healthier on a regular basis
b) I lose will power, crack, and continue to subsist off of grease, fat and chocolate.

Either way I win??

My journey begins:

Tuesday 5/26, 1:20 PM. It's been 5 hours. All I want is a Nutty Bar. I am lucky I had to work through 30 minutes of lunch today, forcing me to stay at the office. If I had gone home, I think I would have convinced myself to go ahead and eat those 4 Nutty Bars on the premise that this one time, it wouldn't hurt anything. I can hear myself now: "Sheridan, you ate strawberries and pineapple this morning. And there was lettuce on your food at lunch. Go ahead, eat the crap out of that chocolate. It's your reward. You almost NEED to in order to offset the fruit. It will taste so good and you will be so happy. EAT IT." I don't normally talk to myself in the third person. Or outloud. Oh crap. I just found a box of Nutty Bars in my desk drawer at work. Stay strong. You are only wanting to eat them out of boredom. And because of their peanut buttery, milk chocolatey, melt in your mouth goodness.... Nutty Bars are evil. Banana. Banana is good. Must eat.

TGIF

2009-05-22T09:46:00.003-05:00

I have never been so happy to see the weekend on the horizon. I don't know why, but I have this anxious feeling that I MUST. GET. OUT. My cubicle is greatly offending me and I am pretty sure my chair is holding me down against my will. Dramatic, yes. I guess it is the glorious 3-day weekend looming ahead, enticing me to abandon my adult responsibilities.....

Nothing of vast importance to say, so here are my random "It's Friday!" notes on pop culture and society.

I found this story that I enjoyed. I love that he is from Texas. I love Texas.

File this under "Some people really gross me out/the fall of American morals and values".

Regardless of how you felt about the outcome of American Idol (or how much you didn't care at all), how adorable is Kris Allen?

This movie comes out today and I think it looks so stupid. I am highly offended by that preview where the pregnant woman is dancing and then has her baby on the dance floor and the baby starts break dancing. ICK. Nightmares.

However, this movie looks awesome and the geek in me can't wait to see it.

STOP GIVING THIS VAPID HUSSY HEADLINES.

Thanks to Courtney for finding this gem online. Another reason celebrities make me laugh and laugh and laugh...

Scary.

Pretty soon, the Pope himself will be twittering.

AMAZING! What a little hero.

HAPPY FRIDAY/MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!

Today, My Heart Breaks.

2009-05-18T16:45:00.003-05:00

Well, ABC did it. They canceled my show, "Samantha Who?". Why do they always cancel good shows for crap like "America's Next Top Survivor Housewife of New York's Shot with Tila Rock of Love Pussycat Dolls" reality television smut? Add this to my running list of shows canceled before their time.

RIP:

Veronica Mars
Arrested Development
Samantha Who?

Feel free to add your favorite underappreciated shows below & we will all take a moment of silence.

More Fun With Lists

2009-05-15T11:52:00.008-05:00

I'm stealing a blog idea from you Em. It's a clever idea and everyone needs a "Things to do before I die" list. Maybe this way, if I put it in writing, I will be contractually obligated to ACTUALLY do these things...

Go on a booze cruise (You know, like on The Office.)
Try sushi one more time (and determine once and for all it is sick sick sick).
Own a house.
Swim with dolphins.
Travel throughout Europe.
Attend the Super Bowl.
Road trip around the United States.
Find a reason to move to and then a way to afford living in Hawaii- at least for a little while.
Take surfing lessons.
Be an extra in a movie or tv show.
Go to the Summer Olympics (2012!!!).
See a concert in a foreign city.
Learn to play the guitar and re-learn the piano. Become traveling musician, singing/playing for change and living like a nomad until I get "discovered". (Really only the first part.)
Become conversationally proficient in a foreign language- preferably French or Spanish. Or Italian. Or all, and then take over the world.
Have a job I love (where I don't have to constantly be on the phone).
Write a book.
Spontaneously fly somewhere for the weekend, just because I can.
Marry. Procreate.
See the Pyramids.
GREECE. AUSTRALIA. INFINITY AND BEYOND.
Teach a dance class.
Own a coffee house or laid-back bar with my sister (still doing this, right??).

Run like a fool singing "Climb Every Mountain" in some fabulous open field in Austria, or wherever they filmed that one scene in "The Sound of Music". Weird, I know.

Eat a crepe in France.

Learn to drive a stick shift.

Have a picnic in Central Park.

Take an Alaskan cruise.

Read the Bible cover to cover.

Live in a small, charming Italian town for a while.

I have no idea how the spacing got off at the end of this post and I can't get it to look right. Stupid blog.

Weekend Update

2009-05-12T15:03:00.006-05:00

Well, if you didn't contribute to the $72-some-odd million dollar opening that Star Trek had this weekend, then you don't know: the movie is actually really awesome. I blogged last time that I was excited to see it and I couldn't have been more entertained had Kirk himself sat down beside me. I give it 5 stars! (That rating is worthless). But seriously, go see it.

We were actually the first in line (bring on the nerd jokes Emily).

And we got a candid shot with an actual Starfleet Captain.

Very successful outing. Bravo J. J. Abrams. I will continue to watch and adore almost everything you have a hand in.

Happy Trekkie Day!

2009-05-08T14:53:00.005-05:00

I am going to see Star Trek today!! Laugh all you want, but I am super excited. I used to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation with my family all the time and the original Star Trek movies are awesome (Khaaaaannn!!!!!!). I am by no means an actual "trekkie", but I am not ashamed to admit a healthy fondness for the show. So far the critics have hailed it as a must see, so here's hoping they don't murder the franchise.

Going back to a previous blog from this week, I would like to make a general disclaimer:

DO NOT SEE Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Do not pass go, do not spend $10 for a ticket- it is a waste of money and 2 hours you will never get back. Phew, had to get that out. I really don't know WHAT I was expecting from a Matthew McConaughey flick- Oscar winning performances? Witty dialogue? Clever plotlines? Cohesive scenes? Believable characters? Well, regardless of what I was hoping for, I got none of the above. I didn't even get a cheesily-constructed but slightly heartwarming chick flick. I got 2 hours of Matthew McConaughey saying creepy things to women who (believably?) fell for his "charm" (because we are all that easy) and a string of annoying, unrealistic, vapid, and did I mention ANNOYING characters that activated my "WHAT THE..." facial expressions repeatedly. OK so it wasn't the WORST piece of crud ever put to film, and I didn't walk out, so I guess it was bearable enough. But I would not recommend you waste YOUR time. I took one for the team, so you don't have to. You're welcome.

Some Observations

2009-05-06T15:09:00.006-05:00

I'm bored at work, so you get 2 blog posts today. Lucky you! Here are some things to ponder.

Everytime my boss hands me back paperwork she has had on her desk, it has food stains on it. Ewww.

Last night, for the second time, I parked on the 3rd level of my complex & attempted to enter my apartment. I, however, live on the 4th floor.

Matthew McConaughey is kind of a tool, but I am going to go see "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" tonight anyway.

American Idol boots off another singer tonight and I am boycotting if it isn't Danny Gokey. His rendition of "Dream On" by Aerosmith sounded like a dying cat. Being run over. By 12 cars.

That's all for now.

Welcome to My Nightmare.

2009-05-06T10:37:00.001-05:00

Actual conversation that just took place in my office with a particularly confrontational coworker and myself:

A: (sound muffled from background noise)...your customer??

Me:What?

A: (complete silence)

Me: I'm sorry I didn't hear you- what did you ask me?

A: I didn't like the way you just spoke to me so I am not telling you.

Me:(shocked that she could pull that much meaning/attitude from one inquisitive "what?") Umm, I think you are pulling a little too much out of what you heard. I just didn't understand what you said. Do you have a question to ask me?

A: (indignantly) No, no I don't.

Me: Come on, what grade are we in here. Just tell me what you need. It was not my intention to be rude. What do you need?

A: I'M not in ANY grade. You better stop making your snide remarks!!

Or what? Are you going to beat me down? For saying "what?" Could a stupider fight exist EVER?? I guess consider the source- this IS the woman who cussed me out for pointing at a bowl of ice cream from across the room.(Hence: Food Pointers Anonymous).

In case you were wondering, I never did find out what she wanted initially.

Life Lessons

2009-05-05T10:26:00.003-05:00

I have decided to start posting things I learn as I learn them. Not only do I do a lot of stupid things, I tend to not learn often from my mistakes. So maybe if I blog about them, I will remember to not be so dumb. Or maybe I will still be dumb but you will have ammunition to make fun of me.

Life lessons for this week:

1. Don't be a hero. No one truly expects you to be able to juggle 10 value meals from McDonalds AND drinks, iced coffee, and milkshakes on your way back to the office. You WILL spill the coffee all over your floorboard. Then, when you think you have it clean, it will actually be stewing in its own filth, waiting for you to get back in the car 4 days later only to discover the most pungent, offensive smell known to man has taken over your entire car. You will be forced to hold your nose while driving to walmart to buy baking soda to douse the mold/mildew that has grown just so you can make it home without vomiting from the stench. Then you will spend over an hour cleaning it out with your friend and then the next week waiting for it to fully dry and for your olfactories to fully recover. So moral of the story: do not buy drinks for coworkers when you volunteer to pick up lunch. It will end very very badly.

2. Buy a gps system sooner rather than later. You get lost EVERYTIME you drive anywhere new. It doesn't matter if there is a 500 ft neon flashing sign that says "Hey you! Exit here!"- you will still miss the turn and veer 15 minutes off your route before you realize "Hey wait a minute, wasn't I supposed to be on 36? That sign says 90..." Time to invest in a tom tom.

3.Sometimes people just suck. If they are the type of person who you can confront about their suckiness, then hooray for you because they will probably accept responsibility for their suckiness and mend their ways and it won't be an issue again. If you however come up against a person who sees no fault/error in their ways ever, you are really just beating your head against a brick wall repeatedly if you think confronting them or taking offense or worrying about how they acted will help the situation at all. Just sigh and try to avoid them until they stop sucking. Dwelling on it will only drive you insane. YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE and you certainly can't expect psychotic people to not be psychotic.

Give me a swift kick to the butt if you witness me ignoring any of these valuable lessons in the future.

Greetings From Washington D.C.

2009-04-28T13:06:00.016-05:00

I went to Washington D.C.!! It was awesome! Proof below:

Emily refuses to follow instructions.

Tulips from the Netherlands!

The Iwo Jima Memorial. Love that quote.

Arlington Cemetary. Probably one of the most sobering experiences of my life.

My lame attempt at an artsy Cherry Blossoms photo.

Very moving to witness someone praying near the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

If you look closely, you will find Sheridan Street on the map. This woman next to me when I took the picture started joking with me about how I must be related to General Sheridan. It was strange, but she was old and cute & it turned out to be the most sarcastic/hilarious conversation I have ever had with a stranger.

Yay Shutsy! Unfortunate name, cool quote.

People wrote messages at the Women's Memorial @ Arlington Cemetary. He wants to be a Marine! Love it.

Oscar the Grouch and the Puffy Sleeved Shirt from Seinfield @ the American History Museum.

I attempted (and failed at) the "Look how tiny the Linclon Memorial is! I can hold it in my hand!" photo op. In mine and Emily's defense, it was very sunny & people were starting to stare.

So, so very true.

Georgetown is adorable.

The White House. Or, according to that unfortunate child we ran across, "Obama's House".

At the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Truly was incredible.

Hard to capture the beauty/meaning of the Vietnam Memorial. A moving experience to say the least.

So sassy. Half of the Washington Monument in background.

Curious caravan of Bike Cops crosses Constitution. (Alliteration!)

Emily attends George Washington's old church! How cool is that?

The Holocaust Museum was incredible, but hard to take in. Definitely something everyone should see.

Sky Mall: fun useless crap you would never have imagined existed/hours of fun on the airplane trip home. I wonder if this works.

Endless thanks to my wonderful friend Emily for hosting/facilitating this wonderful trip to our Nation's capital! If you haven't been, I highly recommend it. I may be a patriotic cheeseball, but I love me some America.

I'm Alive. I Know You Were Worried.

2009-04-23T22:14:00.000-05:00

I'm sure there have been many sleepless nights. Thousands of people wondering "why hasn't she blogged? Where did she go?!" Well hello again dedicated reader(s).

I am currently packing (watching Grey's Anatomy) in preparation for my first trip to our nation's capital! I am going to see my (awesome!) Friend Emily who recently left her Texas roots behind to conquer Washington. I couldn't be more excited!! Wish me luck fitting everything into one suitcase and a "purse" (which has morphed into my backpack) so that I don't have to pay the OUTRAGEOUS $15 fee to check my luggage. Yes, I realize I am having a fit over $15, but it is the PRINCIPLE of the matter. Emily has graciously offered to let me borrow her contact solution and the rest of my liquids are below the size limit, so eat that Continental. I will not be bullied out of my hard earned money.

Off to bed then... D.C.!!!

Things I Have Learned This Week

2009-04-09T15:12:00.003-05:00

People who have liscence plates saying: VRY HOT, are most likely, in fact, NOT very hot. This rule also applies to people who wear "BOOTYLICIOUS" shorts and "TOO HOT TO HANDLE" shirts, or any other variation on self promotion/false advertisement.

No amount of persuasion or fancy description will EVER get me to think eating sushi is a good idea.

I adore my iPod, and can't remember what life was like before it.

You should download music by Rachael Yamagata and Sia.

Marshmallow Peeps are soooooo cute.

Voting over 600 times for your favorite contestant on American Idol is both exhilarating and incredibly pathetic at the same time. [But my girl DID NOT get sent home this week, nor was she in the bottom 3. You're welcome, Allison. I share in your victory.]

I am not very adept at nailing/screwing things into the wall. But it is cathartic nonetheless.

Wings N More is allergic to getting your order right the first time.

Lindsay Lohan is a hot mess.

If you put food in front of me, I will eat it. Risk of stomach ache be damned.

My lack of romantic sensibility is astounding.

Bad cheese smells like feet and should not be consumed.

Cavity

2009-04-07T16:52:00.003-05:00

I think I have a cavity. I haven't had a cavity in so long I don't even remember what you have to do to fix a cavity. How do you know if you have a cavity? I have a tendency to be a little dramatic when it comes to my various maladies, but it is very painful to eat cold beverages and foods on this one specific tooth (for several days now) and I am not really sure what else it could possibly be. "Go to the dentist," you say. Well, 7 days ago, this would not have been an issue- mind you for the past 25 years this would not have been an issue. But as of 4/1/09, my dental coverage was cancelled, voluntarily, by me. I cannot give you a better example of the kind of luck I have.

On a brighter note, American Idol is on tonight!! VOTE FOR ALLISON- I have no clue why this wonderfully talented girl is getting NO LOVE from America. I intend to vote repeatedly for her tonight. I know, I have gone to the "dark side"- a place where reality television is of great value and importance. But I like it here. There is much entertainment.

People still skateboard?

2009-04-02T20:10:00.001-05:00

So, I am just innocently trying to come up my parking garage so I can park and relax in my apartment after dinner and drinks with some friends. When all of the sudden 5 or 20 million kids come skateboarding down the garage like a pack of...well, skateboarding freaks, if you can imagine. They might as well have dropped from the rafters directly onto the hood of my car- they came out of nowhere I tell you!! Dumb brats are lucky I have the reflexes of a cat. And since when did it become cool again to ride skateboards? I didn't know that kids were still into this. Little hoodlums. AND I just sounded like my mother.

Personal Grievance

2009-03-26T09:08:00.003-05:00

ATTN: Local ABC Affiliate

I don't know you personally, so you may not have been briefed. There is one hour of television every week that is not to be interrupted for anything. No news briefs, no fires, no emergencies, no natural disasters can keep me from being glued to the television set from 8-9 PM on Wednesday nights for my weekly dose of Lost. Except last night, you decided it was smart to take up 5 MINUTES of my show to inform me of the rain I could already hear outside and the possible tornadoes in the suburbs, far away from where I live. Thank God you put that tiny little square of live picture from the Lost episode in the corner of the screen because it is so useful to be able to SEE what I am missing when all the characters are doing is sitting there TALKING about something that I can't HEAR, especially on a show like Lost where the dialogue is so important to figuring out what is going on. This live video box only served to mock me. Thank you, Tim Heller, for going on and on about the possible tornadoes when a warning strip on the bottom of the screen would have sufficed and avoided corrupting the flow of the episode. Or would it have been too hard to do this little update during a commercial break? I mean God forbid I miss another commercial for dogfood or erectile dysfunction or something.

Lucky for you, Lost episodes are online the next day, so I can view the portion of which I was robbed. But this isn't over, ABC affiliate.

Bluebonnets: No Longer Just Eye Candy

2009-03-23T10:26:00.006-05:00

Here's a neat tidbit for you: apparently picking bluebonnets in Texas is NOT illegal. It's possible you already knew this and are now laughing at my expense. But I have been living under the false assumption for my whole life that it is a crime to pick the sacred Texas flower, punishable by a ticket (OR DEATH). I guess it was just a rumor someone started to keep the kids out of their bluebonnet patch, I don't know. But I feel like I have heard this so many places, from so many people that there is no way it could not be true. It's like my walls are crashing in on me. The moral code I have lived by for years has immediately been turned on its head. Suddenly I feel compelled to go pick a bluebonnet, JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

Also, I bought a couch!! I am very excited to be getting nice, new furniture (not passed down from 20 previous owners) like a true adult. I feel like I am finally leaving the "college student" stage of life- having roommates, hand me downs, crazy spastic sleeping schedules and such. Yes folks, I have reached that point where household objects make me squeal- "Couch! I have a couch!". I have not yet decided if this is super exciting or incredibly scary.

Leapin' Leprechauns!

2009-03-17T14:50:00.003-05:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I would like to take this opportunity to list some Irish things (and some, more accurately, Irish inspired things) I think make the world a better place.

1. Baileys Irish Cream: You. Complete me.

2. Lucky Charms: Marshmallows!!! In my cereal!?!?! EVEN BETTER!!!

3. Liam Neeson: He's just friggin cool.

4. Blarney Stone: a stone in Blarney Castle, near Cork in Ireland, that is said to give the power of persuasive talk to people who kiss it. Also, fun to say.

5. Leprechauns: Creepy little buggers, but they do make one hell of a movie (and an endless line of sequels, including this gem).

6. Riverdance: As Chandler on Friends put it, "his legs flail about, as if independent from his body!"

So go kick back, drink some green beer, dance a jig and pick a four leaf clover.

Movin' On Up

2009-03-13T10:30:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I am finally moving into a one bedroom of my very own. I have never lived alone. I went from Mom, Dad and sister, to just Mom and Dad, to college with a slew of random roommates, to the city with my current roommate. I am excited, nervous, and a little nostalgic at the same time. But mostly, I am just ready to be done packing and moving. I may have to live in this apartment until I die, because I am pretty sure my will to move is running thin. I can't imagine having to move EVER AGAIN. But I do not want to die alone as an old cat lady, so here's hoping I move at least ONE more time, into a house someday with a husband. Please.

Moving Woes

2009-03-09T19:35:00.009-05:00

I think I always block this part of moving out. The packing. The endless packing. It's like my things are multiplying before my eyes. Everytime I fill a box, 40 billion new things I didn't even know I owned jump out, ready to be packed, and eager to mock me. Which is my lame excuse for not posting an actual post. But here are some creepy pictures from my recent travels to entertain.

Don't look directly at that doll in the middle. I am pretty sure her eyes were following me the entire time I stood in line at the register.

Now back to packing/death.

Performance Review

2009-03-05T16:17:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is my bi-annual performance review at work. So I had to create my standard "list of goals [I swear I will work on] for the next 6 months." My friend tried to help:

1. Don't punch boss in face.
2. Get drunk everyday.
3. Punch boss while drinking. (I know that contradicts rule #1, but rules were made to be broken- especially performance review rules. Sometimes you should just start screaming at random just so your boss knows you are capable of really going nuts if you want to. Keep em on their toes.)

I like the way he thinks. But I am pretty sure it would get me fired and/or hauled off by men in white coats.

Attack of the Trolls.

2009-03-04T09:15:00.009-06:00

Does anyone remember those creepy troll things we used to play with? Why did I ever want one of these? Why did my mother let me play with them? Why would someone think to market these? I mean, seriously- how creepy are they?

I'm not sure what made me think of this, but it reminds me of other toys kids should never be allowed to play with. Scissors, plastic wrap, fire- all things to avoid. But add to the list: Furbees and Bratz Dolls.

Offender #1: Furbees. OK, who ever thought these were cute? They actually remind me a little too much of gremlins, a series of movies which horrified me as a child and have scarred me for life. Maybe that is my issue with them. Or perhaps it's the fact that they talk to you. And their mouths move. And they are creepy. And they might kill you in your sleep.

Offender #2: Bratz Dolls. Are we attempting to raise our children as hoochie mamas? I don't know which part is more offensive: their abnormally large heads, the fact that they spell brats with a "z", their stripper pole wardrobe, or the general insinuation that it is "cool" to be a brat. They are ugly and stupid.

I'm sure I missed some other equally creepy toys, so let me know.

You Can't Return Perfume!!

2009-03-03T15:35:00.005-06:00

It is my belief that people are about 95% oblivious to the things happening around them at all times. Don't hold me to that exact percentage- I haven't performed any scientific studies, but based on my visual findings over the years and my trip to Ulta today, I am fairly certain this percentage is pretty darn close.

So I am waiting in what seems like the longest line ever known at Ulta (there was a run on Biolage products, the brand of shampoo and conditioner I use- Buy 2 get 2 free!!! Quick- run to your nearest Ulta!). At first I didn't notice the offending party at the register because the women in front of me were having a particularly funny conversation about last night's episode of the Bachelor and how they would have slapped and/or physically assaulted him for his transgressions {!!SPOILER ALERT!!} (SIDE NOTE- can you BELIEVE he dumped Melissa, that poor sweet girl, on national television, 6 weeks after proposing to her? What's that you say? They signed up for their own public humiliation and loss of dignity? Still- it had to be done on TV? BURN. And pretty heartless.) Anyway, 5 minutes passes and the line hasn't budged. This is when I notice "I didn't bring my receipt but you OWE me because I am special and deserve a refund anyway, even though you have clearly stated repeatedly that there are no returns on perfume without receipts" woman. As the line grows and grows, she calls the manager over to explain this policy to her in perhaps different [note: the SAME] words that she can better understand. Ten minutes later, the manager seemed to have lost all hope of convincing this woman anything, and kindly let her return it. Then she stood there for another 5 minutes being slow about everything & asking a million asinine questions. At this point there were at least 10 people behind me. Now I will say Ulta should have had more people running the registers & perhaps a less stringent policy on perfume returns, but good grief woman! Be aware! At least make an effort to move it along! Some of us only have 1 hour for lunch and no time for your lollygagging.

Barefoot Jimmy

2009-03-02T16:49:00.004-06:00

So my friend M was telling me a story this weekend about his trip up to his old college town for a reunion with people that lived in his dorm. Apparently, there was one guy there who went by the name Barefoot Jimmy. Why Barefoot Jimmy you ask? Here was our conversation. I apologize if it isn't as funny in print as it was in person.

M: So I got to see Barefoot Jimmy this weekend.

Me: Who is Barefoot Jimmy? What is a Barefoot Jimmy?

M: Oh well you know how some people are really really smart so God has to balance it out by making them a little weird and socially awkward? That's Barefoot Jimmy. Barefoot Jimmy has not worn shoes in 10 years.

Me: [Incredulous look of horror] I'm sorry WHAT?

M: Yeah, he never wears shoes, no matter where he goes.

Me: [Blank stare] That is disgusting! Tell me more about Barefoot Jimmy.

M: Well, Barefoot Jimmy is just a little weird. He used to sit outside when it was freezing cold in only shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. He told me once that he was able to control his body temperature with his mind.

Someday, I want to meet Barefoot Jimmy.

Mia, I'm a Cop.

2009-02-27T14:24:00.004-06:00

As you may learn later on from reading my posts, I often have horrible taste in movies (much like my sister). I will watch almost anything and if I don't enjoy it completely, I at least am able to have a good time making fun of it. I don't know exactly what this says about me, but I like to think that it makes me a more cultured individual, able to embrace all different forms of art & find the good in the crap....or it just means it doesn't take much to entertain me.

I have only ever walked out of/not finished 6 movies I can think of, which I guess sounds like a lot, but factor in a lifetime of movie-watching and the fact that I got to see movies for free for 2 years in college, and it isn't that much:
1. 8 Mile. I am sorry. But this movie is crap. Total crap. It was so hyped and then....crap. I just can't get on board.
2. Friday Night Lights. I am typically all about "hard-luck sports team, rah! rah!, fighting against the odds" movies (See: Remember The Titans), but the camera work + the never-ending football game scenes were more than enough reason to stop watching to me- it was like sitting through an entire football game in real time. And I do not enjoy sports THAT much. If I did, I would watch ESPN.
3. Saw. Barf. Bad acting, sick and twisted plot. VOMIT. And I vomit on the 50 billion sequels as well, although I have not seen them.
4. The Pink Panther (2006). Beyonce? Really? She should have never been in Austin Powers, either. Plus, this movie was so NOT funny, I felt embarrassed for the actors, which I am pretty sure was not intended effect. Hollywood apparently does not care what I think, as a sequel just came out.
5. Borat. I will admit the first half of this movie is pretty funny. But once 2 men started rolling around naked all over everything...refund please.
6. Cloverfield. I really can't critique the content of this movie as I was doubled-over in my seat, about to literally yarf ALL over everyone, exorcist style. I had to leave after about 20 minutes of the "hand-held/realistic, jiggly camera" effect. (Technically, I was warned: "During the first weekend of the release, many theaters posted signs warning guests that the hand held camera movements may cause motion sickness." -imdb.com.) But still.

Today, Smoking Is Going To Save Lives.

2009-02-26T12:30:00.001-06:00

Fire Safety is NOT a joke. But this makes me laugh everytime. (Editor's note: If this link doesn't work, I swear it is not my fault. I know everything there is to know about computers.)

I really don't have anything spectacularly riveting to keep you glued to your computer screen today, but I did come across something interesting today. Take that mom, and every other person who has ever told me to clean my room. Sometimes being messy can SAVE LIVES.

Happy Thursday!

This blog, in a nutshell

2009-02-25T12:41:00.001-06:00

At the behest of my sister, (and by behest I mean she DEMANDED my email password and created it for me) I have started this blog, mostly to ramble on about the events in my oh so exciting life. You'll hear a lot about my job, that at times makes Dunder Mifflin look like a great place to start a career. You'll hear about the spastic things I do and say. I will make you watch things I think are funny. I will thrust my opinions on life at you. And maybe someday I will explain the meaning behind the title of my blog. Hopefully I can entertain. Enjoy.