Donkeys

Today, I realized I have a problem. Today, I realized that my instinct leads me to run out the door half dressed and frantic and then finish getting ready for work in the car upon discovery of a roach loose in the house (and from here on out in this blog I will use code word "donkey" to signify this demonic creature- the term my family and friends are familiar with using on a regular basis so that I don't have to HEAR the name, as the mere thought frightens me so. Crap. I am already sounding like a crazy person and this is just the "parenthesis back story"). I am sure everyone has their odd "fear" or endearing "quirk". Well this is mine (although the countless people that have been called upon to rescue me from this precious quirk would hardly call it "endearing" I am sure.) I have always known I was a little overdramatic and ridiculous when it came to donkeys, but I don't think I quite grasped it until I began living by myself. Apparently, all these years of having roommates and family to do the dirty work for me, has shielded me from just how much I cannot handle killing a bug 1/5000th my size [made up fraction.] Logically, yes, I know it can't do anything to me. But try to convince me of that when it is just sitting there, silently plotting my demise, awaiting its next move so it can attack when I least expect it.

Slightly helpful email exchange today between my sister and I:

Me: I feel anxious that I can't go in my house until later this afternoon. What if it has eaten everything before J kills it? Do you think it is just sitting there being evil or is it all over my stuff? I really have a problem.

K: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Me: Stop laughing and do your job as my sister and put my fears to rest!!! Tell me something comforting like "I am sure it is dead by now" or "Donkeys only crawl on the wall, your stuff is fine." or "It is probably just sitting in the same spot where you left it." COME ON. Help the crazy, don't hinder.

K: It probably IS dead. I'm sure your apartment complex exterminates regularly, most of them exterminate every 3 months. And even if it isn't dead for some reason, they don't generally go crawling all over everything. And it certainly isn't EATING anything.

OK so it probably isn't eating everything. Slight overreaction there. But I am STILL not walking in that house until J comes to rescue me this afternoon (thank God for him) lest it flies at me like a spider monkey of death. And I am still going to fully disinfect my house and wash all sheets, towels, etc. Send for help. I have reached a new level of paranoia.