Am Old.

I threw my back out Monday- as in couldn't walk without excruciating pain. Caused by stepping out of the car. I wasn't even DOING anything like, say, lifting a box, practicing back flips, or saving kittens from a burning tree. I was basically walking. Does this qualify me for "old lady" status? Weigh in below, and be gentle. My arthritic bones can't take the ridicule.

Spontaneity Anyone?

Good Spontaneity.
My life-long friend called me Monday and surprised me with the news that she was going to Hawaii at the end of July....and wanted me to come! Normally, the logical, number-crunching side of my brain would say "I just can't - I don't have the money." But I allowed my elusive spontaneous side to take over and I AM GOING TO HAWAII in a little over a month! FOR A WEEK!! And only paying $75 TOTAL to stay, plus flight & food of course. I could not be more excited, not to mention proud that I am just going for it- you know, taking life by the... well, being exciting for once. Yay me!

Bad Spontaneity.
I woke up yesterday morning - early mind you, so I would actually do my hair and make-up properly - only to discover my water had been turned off- AGAIN. No shower for me. The apartment has been "fixing a series of leaks" for a week now, and frankly if they shut off my water one more time, they might be dealing with more than just a leak. Enter: enraged woman who can't shower when she wants. Who decided 7 AM would be a good time to shut off apartment water? Did no one consider that most people are up trying to get ready for work at that hour? As if that wasn't irritating enough, I got home that same day to discover my AC had broken. In 100 degree weather. So I call maintenance to get this repaired, and encounter the least helpful & most argumentative customer service representative known to man. Our conversation:

Me: Hi, I live in #2415 and my AC is broken- how quickly can you get someone out here?

CSR: #2415- Emily?

Me: Huh?

CSR: Your name is Emily?

Me: Oh, no. My name is Sheridan.

CSR: Did you just move there?

Me: In March...

CSR: Hmmm. That is weird.

Me: So...about my AC- can you get someone out here?

CSR: How do you spell your name?

Me: S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N

CSR: S-E-R-I-D-A-N

Me: No, S-H-E-R-I-D-A-N

CSR: That's what I SAID. Phone number?

Me: (gave her #- you don't get that)

CSR: OK, thank you. Need anything else?

Me: Yes, do you know when they will come? It is really really hot in here.

CSR: No.

Me: Well, will they call before they come?

CSR: Ma'am I am just taking the message for them, I don't know.

Me: OK, thanks?

About 2 hours later, maintenance is still a no show so I decide to check. I call again and get a different lady. She informs me that they do not make AC calls after sun down and they will be there first thing in the AM. I guess it would have been too difficult for the 1st woman to tell me that, lest I actually know what was going on.

Strep Throat of Doom

I loathe strep throat. I get it anytime I am exposed to it. And sure enough, I got it this week. I have been locked up in my house on the couch, watching reruns of House Hunters and Property Virgins on HGTV (wow, showing my age a bit) and wallowing in self pity. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but whenever I get sick and I am at that full-blown illness stage, I convince myself "you better get used to this" because OBVIOUSLY I will never recover- I am too far gone. Seconds from death. I will have to quit my job, move in with my parents, lose all my friends, and become a dependant sloth of a person, under the constant care of my mother for life until she gives up and enters me into a nursing home facility. Just as my illness-induced paranoia was coming to fruition, the doctor gave me a magical shot of medicine in my left hiney cheek and I started to see the hope of possible recovery. Seriously, if you ever get Strep, ask for the shot. It stings for like 30 seconds going in, but I felt almost 100% better in under 24 hours. So much more than I can say for the last time I got strep (about a year ago) and the doc put me on the oral medication. I was out for a good 5 days that time. Now fully recovered, I have completely disinfected the house: changed the sheets, threw out my toothbrush, sterilized my water bottles, the works. I have also vowed to take a vitamin c pill daily- you know, try to beef up that immune system so maybe, just maybe, I can fend this off if exposed again (which inevitably I will be). Not to let my pessimistic side show, but I am pretty sure any extra efforts will be in vain as I am apparently at the mercy of this particular virus. And I am sure one year from now, you will probably be reading another blog post about how I almost "died" from Strep.

Noteworthy Nonsense

So my friend Courtney found this on the internet and I just had to share. Further evidence that celebrities are idiot robots programmed to act indredibly strange and say stupid things:

See Jessica Alba Pose by Poster of Shark Here

My favorite part of the article: "Apparently she was trying to help promote shark conservatism in land-locked Oklahoma..."

Aww, shucks, those crazy celebrities and their philanthropic causes.

Project Eat Better: Day 9.

I'm not sure I have made much progress.

Wednesday 6/3/09 @ 3:28 PM: I broke down and ate a microwave burrito and jalapeno ranch dip from Chuy's for lunch today. And a huge brownie. The burrito was one of those healthier type burritos, but a microwave burrito nonetheless. Look, I'm not perfect. I also had hot wings and fries this weekend- want to berate me for that? Sorry, I didn't mean to sass you like that. It's not your fault I am weak. I have kind of discovered that the only change I have really made to my diet is that I added more fruit and less McDonalds, plus a heck of a lot more guilt than ever before. So I still eat about the same, just more regret for what I have put down my throat. Healthier? Well, more accountability perhaps. I really am trying. And I think it is a miracle I haven't been to McDonalds or Wendy's for a week. So, progress. I still haven't touched the salad I bought. I just really don't like salad. There are some things I just can't do. I also am pretty sure there is some large scale conspiracy going on at my office to keep me from eating healthy. Monday was breakfast tacos from Taco C. Tuesday was dips and chips from Chuy's and ice cream cakes. How am I supposed to say no to all this free, wonderful food? They know I can't resist. They are evil. I will eat these oranges to spite them now.

More Lessons...

1. Before having a hysterical freak out at the sight of an insect dive bombing you in your bedroom, determine what kind of bug it actually is. Once you have ascertained the danger level to be at zero (hello June Bug), cease panic. However, if it is a donkey, run for your life. But you knew that.

2. Cement poles are not made of marshmallow, nor are they figments of your imagination. If you hit one while backing out of a parking space at warp speed, it won't magically pass through your car. It will create a massive dent on the side of said car and destroy the side mirror. It will cost you $500, an insurance claim, and your dignity.

3. Don't get so attached to inanimate objects. One day your mom and dad will sell their house WITHOUT asking your permission (GASP), and then where will you be? PSSSHAAAA.

4. Brownies are easy to cook and I am awesome at them. I also eat them very well.