Helen Keller

For the life of me I can't get that God forsaken song out of my head- you know, the one where you are instructed to "Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips"? WHY WHY OH WHY IS IT IN MY HEAD IN A CONSTANT LOOP. But not the whole song. No. I never listen to it long enough when it comes on the radio to catch more words than that one line. So it is just that line. Over and over. And over and over. Until I slowly lose it. Why are crappy songs always so catchy?? And really, what has this world come to that songs now exploit famous blind/deaf people in an effort to command listeners to partake in obscene gyrations? Dumb.

Found the video online so you can suffer too.

Harry Potter Mania!

Midnight show of Harry Potter last night! Play by play:

9:00 PM- Dinner @ Cafe Adobe. Ate way too much salsa and could then only eat one fajita.
9:45 PM- Took a picture with authentically dressed Harry Potter fans.
10:10 PM- Walked over to theater. Ooohed and aahed at various costuming choices by others.
10:15 PM- Claimed our seats on the back row; theater already 65% full.
10:35 PM- Witnessed great feats of nerdom. Rinse and repeat.
10:40 PM- J bites his lip. It bleeds profusely.
10:43 PM- After brief trip to men's room, bleeding under control.
10:45 PM- J bites lip again. Blood.
10:46 PM- J bites lip again. My sympathy is running thin. I mock him.
11:00 PM- Began watching blooper videos on youtube with my friend's iPhone. Felt twinge of guilt for laughing at clip of man proposing to his girlfriend after popping out of a mascot costume at a professional basketball game. Surprisingly, she said "No."....
11:30 PM- Ladies room break- no breaks allowed once previews start, of course.
11:45 PM- Played trivia with actors dressed as characters from the movie. They handed out posters to enthusiastic fans with correct answers. I secretly got all the answers right in my head.
11:55 PM- Listened while a woman holding an owl (yes a real one) made bad Burger King jokes & discussed the wing span of said owl at length.
11:57 PM- Made an ignorant comment about owls carrying deer in their mouths. Was mocked for roughly 2 minutes. Laughed so hard I cried.
12:01 PM- People still talking about owls. Frantic fanatics get restless- begin chanting for movie to begin.
12:04 PM- PREVIEWS!!! Crowd erupts in applause.
12:25 PM- Crowd cheers, whistles, hollers, yelps in general merriment as the warner brothers logo appears on screen. IT'S HERE.
2:30 AM- Movie over...clapping...eyes so tired...walking to exit...a lot of people...slow...so tired...
2:40 AM- Arrive at car. Collapse into seat. Eye drops.
2:42 AM- Stuck behind dumbest man alive in car.
3:30 AM- At home, in bed. Zzz.
7:30 AM- Most...annoying...sound...ever. Wakey Wakey.

Ears...bleeding...help....

I am a music freak. And therefore appalled, APPALLED, at this cover of the Postal Service's classic "Such Great Heights".

Original, awesome version.

Craptastic, tragically horrible, what the frak were they thinking bunk version.

No Cheese

Plagued by the onslaught of killer stomach aches this week:

I vow to cut out dairy for a month to see what happens.

I vow to go running/work out 3 times a week (at least).

I vow to continue to avoid fast food restaurants.

I think I can do this. People that see/talk to me regularly, please hold me accountable.

"Dreams Be Dreams"

I had a crazy dream last night that I actually remembered.

I went to a Sheryl Crow and Jack Johnson concert on the lawn outside of my friend's house (of course). I was the only one that showed up, along with my Dad. After they had performed, they came and talked to us personally and thanked us for coming. They lamented how hard it is to get people to come see their shows. I assured them I loved their music and then secured my fan status by reciting my favorite Jack & Sheryl songs. At this point Jack nudged Sheryl and gave her that "you thinking what I'm thinking" look and they announced that they wanted me to work for them, traveling on their tour and handling all their shows, etc. I of course accepted on the spot, and then hugged Sheryl. Jack asked me to get off his wife (although I am pretty sure they are not married in real life) and we all had a good laugh.

Please translate.

I Heard He Controls the Weather and Wrote the Screenplay to Glitter!

LIST!

1. My friend just started a blog! She cracks me up and has lots of fun hospital stories, being a 4th year med student. You should check her out.

2. I am going to start having wings from Wings 'N' More every Tuesday. Because.

3. I found a spider in my bathtub this morning- 2nd time this week. What gives? Sidenote: I enjoy watching them curl into a little mangled ball when doused with water.

4. My living room is starting to look like a living room! Now with new bookcase and wall hangings! Thanks Amy!

5. This one is actually a question: Is it cheaper to leave your air on the same temperature, say 78 degrees all the time or to turn it up higher when you aren't at home? This may sound dumb, but pretend it isn't.

6. Do not buy music by Wes Hayden on principle, assuming his fan base ever extends further than Chihuahua, Mexico. If you watch the Bachelorette, you know what I'm talking about.

7. I am going to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next Tuesday. It's going to be AWESOME. Stop laughing.

8. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

9. I think a few people have deleted me as their friends on facebook. If you are one of them, I want a detailed assessment of WHY we can't be friends on an extremely superficial social networking website. 30 pages, single-spaced & notarized. And an apology. And my friendship bracelet back.

Concert Etiquette

I went to the Third Eye Blind concert a couple of weeks ago and my experience got me thinking- is there certain concert etiquette that is just common courtesy? I've been to a lot of concerts over the years, at many different venues, both small and large. I have even been attacked by a vicious mosh pit (Read: annoying and stupid drunk guys), where I had to defend myself by kicking the offenders (it was fun!). I have always felt that concerts are pretty much an "anything goes short of murder" atmosphere, but this last concert had some interesting characters. I was also in the middle of my strep throat of doom (see previous blog post) at this concert, so that too may have weighed in on my general annoyance.

Exhibit A.

"Girl who just loooves her boyfriend so much that she cannot be bothered to sit in her own seat lest she be apart from him for more than 2 seconds."

OK, we get it. You guys are close. But there is a reason you buy seperate tickets to a concert. So that everyone can have a seat. If we could sit in laps, I would have saved a lot of money over the years (and made a lot of new friends in the process). Another reason we buy seperate tickets is so that the people behind you can see. Sure, I was not directly inconvenienced by you, but many people were and that is just rude. RUDE. And thirdly, it is dumb to sit in your boyfriend's lap for 2.5 straight hours when you don't have to. Kids I get. Twenty year olds, not so much.

Exhibit B.

"Fans who just looove Third Eye Blind so much that the rhythm...well it GOT them and they cannot be bothered to stay in their seats for the MUSIC, it MOVES them."

I didn't have a picture of them, so you get a band pic. I really don't have a problem with this sort of enthusiasm typically, & I will admit at certain concerts that I am totally feeling it and my legs won't allow me to sit. So I really wanted to side with them when the people behind them starting cussing them out because they couldn't see (that being a whole other kind of public obnoxiousness that need not be, but I won't touch on that today). But really, if you are such a rabid fan, you should have bought the standing room only tickets that were a) cheaper and b) closer to the band.

Exhibit C.

"I am old and apparently high and have no rhythm but here I will dance for you Lady."

OK, so this picture obviously did not come out. But honestly, I don't think even a still photo could paint the picture of how visually impairing this woman's reckless abandon was, nor how much it made me want to stab needles in my eyes just to make it stop. It was actually pretty entertaining I guess (in the "I feel sorry for them" bad way), but seriously, isn't there a certain age cut off where dancing like a fool with no concept of rhythm or reality is unacceptable? And really, is this woodstock? No, it is a Third Eye Blind concert in the House of Blues. The musician in me wanted to grab her and force her to do her bizarre hippie sway to the actual beat we were all hearing instead of the one in her head. I guess I do have to give her props for not caring what anyone thought, though.

Of course none of this detracted from the good time (well except for the strep throat). See, we're smiling:

Hooray for concerts and all the interesting people you meet!